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Old 04-27-08, 10:23 PM
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Question Angel Associations

Another just wondering kind of thing --

Do you see random things and associate them with your angels?

For instance -- I got the news about my ectopic in the bathroom on the phone (they called while I was in the shower). I can't be in the bathroom with the phone without that memory triggering.

Sarah McLaughlin's "Arms of the Angels" is also the song I associate with them....
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Old 04-27-08, 10:28 PM
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Mine are different things. For Laura, it's the Peace Lily plant on the mantel that someone brought for me after we lost her in September. For Sam, it's a million things because he was our first loss. For Gabe, it's the play area at the mall because I had to entertain my in-laws on the day I miscarried and we were there. For Joy, it's the ultrasound photo of her that is still in the visor of the van--I feel like I can't take it out of the van. And for Erin, it's Sarah's school fundraiser because the moment I stood up to accept a prize (in front of EVERYONE), I felt her pass out of me and while I was smiling in front of the crowd, I was devastated.

Also, two of our losses have been on back-to-back Thanksgivings, so Thanksgiving this year will HOPEFULLY have a whole new meaning.
 
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Old 04-27-08, 10:30 PM
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Oh, and I forgot to add that we have a "memory box" on my nightstand that has Sam's name and conception date engraved on it. Inside we keep all of my pregnancy tests, chromosomal analysis reports, cards, letters, notes, a bib, and stuff in there to remind us of our 5 angels. I look at it every day and think of our babies.
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Old 04-27-08, 11:27 PM
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Are those things helpful or healing things?
 


I'm not sure i could keep some of the tests and such and move forward.

Does your book from me fit in the box?
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Old 04-28-08, 09:39 AM
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Yes, your book fits in the box, but I keep your book in the office next to my computer. It serves the dual purpose of reminding me of my angels and reminding me of you.
 


And yeah, it does help me move on. I feel that the babies are a part of our family--we have 7 children, though you can only see two of them in family photos.
 

 

 

 

 
So throwing away the tests and stuff, to me, would feel like I'm throwing the babies away. It's sometimes the ONLY proof I have that they existed.
 
When I'm feeling down, I get the box and thumb through everything. It makes me feel closer to them in a strange, macabre way.
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