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new year can't come soon enough

new year can't come soon enough

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  • eds1999 eds1999's Avatar 12-14-07 | 09:34 PM
  • I bought a book on adoption. my second iui after the m/c was a bust. i am so lost as to what to do next. last two cycles i used the hcg shot without clomid and I think that may have been a mistake. apparently i need the clomid? (it worked for me before, but i've shown no reason medically to need it?) this has been one of the most frustrating times in my life.

    we won't do IVF and I suppose I can do IUI's as long as my doctor will let me, but i've realized that it is causing me so much stress that i've almost lost my mind. that's when i knew it was time to quit.

    we decided that we're not going to set any timelines (like it has to happen by _______ or we stop, because that's stress too) but I am hoping that we can start to look into adoption and the process.

    I wish they knew what was wrong with me. I show such a perfect temp chart, get positive OPK's and all that crap. I have scheduled a consultation with the dr to discuss our next plan. What's really nice is that she, along with my nurse, have gone through the pains of infertility. the dr herself has an adopted child, and I am hoping she can help us decide which path is right for us (more treatment or adoption)

    What is REALLY frustrating is that both my ob and my family dr are nonchalantly convinced that i'll be pg again, that it's just a matter of time. but all i can see is that i've had 10 iui's with one failed pregnancy. i see all the bad. in fact, i'm slowly beginning to forget that i even had two lines on the pee stick. like it was a bad joke or something.

    i brought up adoption with my parents, in laws and sister in law. only my SIL was warmly accepting of the idea. we want children in our house in the worst way! DH is talking about adoption, but he's made it clear that he wants to keep trying IUI's. He says-lets throw everything we've got at it (since we have been taking somewhat of a wimpy approach to it lately). I don't want to be all drugged up, but if that's what it takes....well.

    see what happens when im not around? i get a long rant going!
  • tammiane tammiane's Avatar 12-14-07 | 10:38 PM
  • Im sorry that this is so rough on you. I know that its frustrating and I wish I could take it away for you.
     
    I just want to offer you encouragement to keep going. It really may only be a matter of time before you get to see those beautiful two lines again. The stress of IF can be overwhelming and I believe it does start to wear on you both mentally and physically after a while. Hang in there!! Also, I think adoption is an amazing thing and I hope that if you decide to go that route that you are holding a baby in your arms very soon. There's no rules that you cant ttc while going through the adoption process..so who knows? Maybe it will lessen the stress and pressure of ttc and you'll find yourself expecting two bundles of joy. Hugs.
  • Dopey406 Dopey406's Avatar 12-15-07 | 01:30 AM
  • Yeah, it's difficult.

    After 4 consecutive losses, we've heard, "Well, at least you've got two beautiful daughters. That's probably enough anyway" enough times that I want to
     


    No one knows the desires of a mama's heart better than the mama.

    I also want to concur that the miracle of adoption is amazing! My closest friend has adopted both of her children after they struggled with male infertility. Those two children are just as much their children as if they'd been conceived in her womb. It's AMAZING to bring a baby into your home, regardless of DNA.

    I'm keeping at it, so if you decide to keep on doing IUI's, I'm with you every step of the way. My new RE told me that one of his patients lost 19 pregnancies before bringing home her first baby--then had two more babies after that. So it CAN happen.

    Those of us really struggling have to stick together and celebrate together when that joyous time arrives.

    PM me if I can help you AT ALL.
  • Saira Saira's Avatar 12-16-07 | 03:50 PM

  •  
    I know this is so hard right now. I'm not sure where to start.

    The emotional stuff:
    I wish I could give you a huge hug in person. I know this hurts. I know the feeling that your pg was just a dream. Not being able to understand how you could go throuhg so much to get the pg then have it taken away so thoughtlessly. I know how much you hoped and expected those last 2 cycles to work and the fear of not knowing if the next one will. I know the uncertainty of not knowing how much more it will take to get a baby in your life and if you can afford the cost to your pocketbook and your sanity. I wish I had an answer to fix us all, but sadly I don't. I do however have a rather absorbant shoulder and a killer recipe for fudge.

    The practical statistical stuff:
    Even if you are perfect, IUI is hit or miss. There are so many variables in the equation. Timing being a huge one. Alot of docs like to say the hcg shot makes things predictable, but in reality it just makes them more predictable and there's still quite alot of room for error. Even with perfect timing, nature is fickle. Bottom line of that is we have lousy odds to get pg each month but those lousy odds apply to months we did get pg also. Just because it didn't work the last 2, is no reason to think it won't work the next time. I'm saying that for my bennifit as much as yours.
     


    It's hard, after going through so much, to believe that you will ever have a child, but I do believe that one way or another, you will. You will have a child in your lives. Your doing the right thing by looking into all your options and talking it over with your doc. Stay strong, keep fighting and know we are here for you, and willing to send you fudge or cookies at a moments notice.
     
  • Oreo Oreo's Avatar 12-17-07 | 11:00 PM
  • Sorry I am late to chime in here!!!


     


    Here's to a 2008 with beautiful babies -- NO MATTER HOW THEY COME TO US!