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-   -   Men's reactions & conceiving (http://www.thebabycorner.com/boards/after-loss-285/mens-reactions-conceiving-207136)

ChandyRae 09-20-04 07:49 PM

Men's reactions & conceiving
 
I was just wondering about something, and thought maybe you guys could shed some light on it. Is it normal for guys to not be very emotional about miscarriages? My DH, Kyle, has been wonderfully supportive these past few days - I could never ask for better from him. But he doesn't seem to be very upset about the whole thing. He doesn't seem sad, doesn't talk about it unless I do, is anxious to try again as soon as I'm ready. I know it was only a week that we knew and men in general are like that, but I expected more out of him, since he was so excited about the baby. Was anyone else's husband like that?

Also, on an entirely different note, is there an increased risk of a second miscarriage if you get pregnant too soon after the first one? I would like to go ahead and try this month (or not try to prevent it, more like) but I don't want to go through all this again. I haven't found anything on the internet - does anyone know? Thanks!

Valleygirl 09-20-04 07:54 PM

My Dh was a little less sad with my first loss, I was also very early on. Then with my second and third he was very upset. I wonder if it is partly because for men it is less real for them until the see the baby. I think having are DD made my DH realize all of the potential we had lost.

Many people have differing opinions on how long you should wait. I think as a general rule of thumb it is best to wait through at least 1 AF.

Good Luck!

MLS 09-20-04 10:47 PM

My husband was devastated at the loss of our baby. He cried and cried and he still has a hard time being around a pregnant woman in a store. You can see a change in his face immediately. My husband wears his feelings on his sleeve in front of me though. People handle grief in different ways. Your husband for sure hurts over your miscarriage, he may just express it differently or have a difficult time knowing how to express his feelings. Most importantly, he is there for you during this painful time.

~babydoll~ 09-21-04 06:48 AM

My husband is sad and cries when the subject comes up, but otherwise he keeps himself together, kind of like me. I'm glad yours is also so eager to get started again.

I've never really seen any definitive info about m/c immediately after a previous one, but I've seen it happen here before. I really think it's best to let your body sort itself out for a month, just to be safe. You definitely don't want to go through that again :no: :hug:.

WEBER 09-21-04 09:15 AM

:lurk: I just wanted to say my dh acted in a similar way when I had my second m/c. He didn't seem to care. I don't think he had enough time to get used to the pg to begin with. I only knew 5 days when I started to m/c. It wasn't real to him. My dh always try to be strong for me too. I did also want to mention with my first m/c, dh was very supportive and hurt. I was 10 weeks pregnant and he saw the baby on the ultrasound too, so that one hit home a harder for him and myself for that matter. Your dh is probably trying to be strong for you and doesn't know how to deal with his own pain. As for trying right away, my doctor told me to wait 3 months after my first m/c. I needed that time to heal emotionally. I would wait at least 1 AF before trying again.


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