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Don't know if i have it in me... Print Version

eds1999 03-03-08 05:49 PM

Don't know if i have it in me...
Ladies, I dont' know how I ever made it to this board (that i was ever actually pg) but i don't know how much more of the TTC i can take! I'd love to have the energy to jump back on the bandwagon after each consecutive "loss" (i consider each and every failed diui somewhat of a loss).

I know one shouldn't make any decisions when you're a ball of emotions, but i just don't know what i should do. I cry when i think about not being pg, i cry when i think about how long the adoption process might be and how hard it is going to be to finally tell the whole world that we can't have kids!

i really wanted to get pg so our infertility issue didn't have to be front page. i'm not embarrased, its just a sad thing that i don't like to talk about. having a family is the end point, but i am SO losing the will to keep at this. :huh:

we've made calls to adoption agencies and may be going to an orientation meeting. we've "sort of" decided to give the diui thing a couple more tries but start the adoption process in the meantime (it could take a LONG time) I would love to be in Denise's (nisey) situation with a beautiful adopted child and one on the way!

DH is very much wavering on what to do, as am i. There just aren't any easy answers. As much as we talk about adoption, i wonder just how ready we are to seriously begin that path:confused:

DH said to me today why can't i just pop out a kid and i could hear the exasperation in his voice. we're all frustrated here. it bothers me when he says "i can't wait until this baby stuff is behind us" he wants to move on, but i wonder if he realizes that our kids will be what our lives are about. its not just a destination! kids are a whole journey!

ok, well that's my piece. there.

Dopey406 03-03-08 06:27 PM


Oh, Erica, I wish I could give you a real :hug: right now. I know how exasperating it can be.

It's difficult to make decisions because every minute is emotional. We are in a similar position in our decision about how to proceed. It's all so confusing and no path can guarantee 100% that you'll end up with a baby in your arms. Makes one want to :hpull: !!!!

Keep hanging in there and vent here all you like.

We're swimming upstream with you. :ghug:

jillrn 03-03-08 08:51 PM

It is so different for dh's dont even try to understand it. It is impossible they will not understand what it does to us and we will not understand how they deal with it. Hang in there!

Oreo 03-03-08 09:03 PM


oh, Erica!! Deanna and I would be fighting to hug you first.

I totally get your feelings, your hopes, your saddness, your confusion.

I think the adoption plans sound good -- to me it is just like options and another way to achieve your goal.

I sure hope that your heart finds comfort and peace in your process and decisions where ever you are and what ever they may be.

Hang with us as long as you want and need. I'd miss you if you left.

eds1999 03-03-08 09:23 PM

well after a long evening of crying and talking. we just decided that right now adoption ISNT the right road for us right now. I think we were looking for an out, but it turns out that we just aren't totally on board with things. So DH just said-call up the dr and order the meds, we're going to keep on doing what we're doing. Nothing is going to happen unless we make it happen. Even if taking a month off seems like a break, taking a break is just that much longer we have to deal with the dark cloud over our heads. As i like to say- S@it or get off the pot! So if it doesn't work again, well at least we're trying. So here we go again: clomid, u/s, hcg shot and two weeks of praying...