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-   -   Another miscarriage (http://www.thebabycorner.com/boards/after-loss-285/another-miscarriage-380043)

ChandyRae 09-14-08 03:00 PM

Another miscarriage
 
I don't know if anyone checks this board regularly, but I just have to get all this off my chest... I'm currently going through my fourth early miscarriage (5.5 weeks or earlier). I just feel horrible today... I had a terrible dream that I was reading a book called "It's My Fault the Baby Died", my mom chose to scold me for not taking my kids to church this morning, and DH is trying to be wonderful but he obviously doesn't feel it as hard as I do. I just feel broken. My heart is broken and I feel like my body is broken. My baby is dead, and I just want the whole world to stop and not expect me to act normal... but I purposely didn't tell people I was pregnant this time, and so almost no one even knows what I'm going through. Those who do don't seem to think it's that big of a deal, I guess because it was so early and because I've already done this three times. Like that would make a difference. And even a part of myself thinks I'm being selfish. I have a good friend who lost a baby at 14 weeks last year; and here I am feeling bad for myself for losing one at just 4 weeks. I'm not sure what to do about trying again... I have two beautiful children, so I know my body is obviously capable, but I just don't want to go through this every month... I don't know whether to keep trying, wait a while, or what. My whole life, my job and the groups I'm involved in and all my friends, everything is about pregnancy and birth and babies. I can't get away from it. It's just almost too much to even go through my normal life when I'm hurting this bad and wanting something that I apparently can't have right now.

Oreo 09-14-08 03:11 PM

:bighug:

That is the hardest part of a miscarriage -- when our worlds stop and everything else keeps going. I know all too well your sadness right now and I wish I could help more. Whether you decide to try again or wait is a decision best left to when your heart isn't torn open. For now, rest and grieve for the baby and the dreams that are gone.

I will spare you the trite "everything happens for a reason" speech since I think it's a load of baloney and doesn't bring comfort.

I hope in time your heart heals.

I'll check back on you soon!!

:bighug:

MBMBERG 09-14-08 03:51 PM

Chandra ~ I know your sadness all to well as I suffered another m/c in April of this year. It doesn't matter HOW EARLY or late you experienced your loss ~ it is still your child and you have every right to feel the way you are feeling.

I hope and pray that time will heal your heart. Good Luck in whatever decision you choose.

Take care!!!!

amitrat 09-14-08 03:58 PM

Chandra,

I am so sorry! I wish there was a way for me to take away your pain. Take the time you need for yourself to grieve the loss of your baby. We are here for you.

tiaonia 09-14-08 04:10 PM

:bighug:
oh hon im so sorry for your loss!


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