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I am flip-flopping like crazy! (sort of long!) Print Version

MrsS1stbaby 08-12-10 12:46 PM

I am flip-flopping like crazy! (sort of long!)
Over the decision to try again. In June, I was wistfully dreaming of being pregnant again and thought if we hurried I could still possibly have a winter baby.

Then dd got closer to her 2nd yr birthday, then turned 2, and has gotten as frustrating as a 2 yr old can be, most days. There are many days when I am pulling my hair out or find myself losing my temper too quickly and I can't imagine being pregnant right now or dealing with a toddler & a baby! (which is when the slight guilt comes in that I may have seriously somehow wished the miscarriage upon myself b/c I didn't think I could handle another child right now...I know, it's irrational, but it's there) My honest to goodness biggest parenting fear is that I won't be able to handle it and will turn into a screaming, spanking nightmare! Or that something bad will happen to one of them b/c I was paying attention to the other one, even for a split second.

Other times, dd is perfectly fine and I have moments of clarity & good-parenting skills and dream about throwing caution to the wind next time me & Dh dtd & just go for it! If we got pregnant this month, I would be due in April. And while that sounds lovely, when I get to the point of actually making that decision, I freeze. What if it happens again? Could I handle another appointment like that? What if it doesn't? If it doesn't, I still have all the same hesitations as before: MONEY for medical bills that are mounting, MONEY for a crib, SPACE in our little house in a neighborhood I've grown to dislike a lot, and my own skills and limitations as a working mother & housewife.

Dh says everything is basically up to me and that we'll cross all those bridges when we get there. I know he is right; it's not like we really made any drastic changes when we decided to try the 1st time. It happened a lot faster than we thought & was more like, "Well, it worked. Hold on to your seats, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

I am not exactly looking for advice, I know this is a decision only I can make. I just need to vent to women who have been there and done that. Thanks for listening if you made this far!

savannah33 08-12-10 01:37 PM

:bighug: You will do fine with 2. Trust me some days are awful with 1 or 3 but most days are great! Live in the moment not in fear of the what if. :bighug:

3Princes 08-12-10 01:59 PM

Good luck with your decision.

Although, you don't really have to make a "decision," do you? Are you on birth control? You could just go on about your business, without using anything or thinking about it, and see what happens.

There is no "perfect" time to have a baby, and when it happens, it turns into the "perfect' time, if that makes sense.

Hope you reach some clarity soon!

MrsS1stbaby 08-12-10 02:04 PM

Live in the moment, not in the fear of what if......Thanks Susan-that is seriously something the women in my family struggle with.

imagine 08-12-10 02:21 PM

you will have good and bad day's in life with 1, 2 or even more children. so as long as you know that everyday will not be perfect then that's all that matters. some day's will be great and some wont, no matter how many kids you have! lol