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countrycutieluv 11-10-10 05:17 PM

First off I would LOVE some opinions.
Right now I don't know what to do. My RE said that my eggs are bad and that I need a donor. Dh and I have talked about it till we are blue in the face really.One side we want a baby sooo bad but on the other thought its the genetics we want not just a baby KWIM?
But I find myself wanting a baby one that has HIS genes.

Then on the other side I'm taking dhea that has been shown to improve quality and quanity in eggs.A couple different IVF facilities use it in the US and Canada. They usually see an improvement within 4 months.Though I understand nothing is ever certain

So one min I want to start ttc again since my cycle is back (once dh is home at the right time) but at the same point I don't know what to do.
I know its going to come down to my decision...but I would appreciate any input on this touchy personal subject.


Oreo 11-10-10 08:40 PM

How long have you been doing the dhea? has it been the four months to see improvement?

It's a tough call. You don't want to set yourself up for heartache, but there is no certainty it would end up in heartache either.

I guess I would put in a call to the RE and ask what the risks are for trying again now. Would they want to wait another six months or something if you miscarried again? Would they want to do any other drugs if you were actively TTC like hormones or anything?

I'd see what they say and go from there. I know it's not really the help/advice you want, but I not really one to put myself in the path of trouble or go against the doctor's orders.

When it comes to the egg donors.... I was told from a young age (18 or so) that I might need to use a donor or have trouble TTC. I didn't have trouble with the idea (my DH was more resistant to it). I wanted to be an egg donor (again, DH wasn't too cool with it). Do you have a sister who might share some? That would help with maintaining some family genetics.

Good Luck with your decision... :hugs:

3Princes 11-10-10 09:03 PM

Well, if you used an egg donor, the baby would still have his genes, no? It would be a donor egg, and his sperm, right?
I'm not in your shoes, but I think that although I would be a little hesitant about the idea of using an egg donor, growing this little being inside of me for 9 months would be plenty for me to feel bonded to him or her and feel like he or she was "mine." Giving birth, and my husband holding the little one on his chest would be more than enough for him to think he was the "real" father. It would still be a life that the two of YOU created, one that wouldn't exist if you hadn't put sperm and egg together in your womb.

In the end, you want a baby, right? I think I would rather be pregnant with a donor egg, than not pregnant with my egg. You've had enough disappointment, and I think I'd just want a baby with my husband at this point.

Of course, this is me--- and you have to go with your gut.

rudolphia 11-10-10 10:39 PM

I agree with Jeanne that carrying the baby will make it yours regardless of the genetics. I would be really hesitant to take the chance of another miscarriage by just trying straight out on my own. Is there a way to monitor improvement in your egg quality before you try again? After having just one miscarriage, I was really spooked. I think if I'd had a second one I might have given up.

It's totally your decision. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd go with a donor egg. Even better if you have a really wonderful sister or cousin who'd be willing to donate.

:hugs: I hope you reach a decision that feels right.

countrycutieluv 11-10-10 11:45 PM

Thank you ladies.
I have been on dhea for 2 months not 4 yet. We wouldn't be activly TTC until June.
My RE said that he would test the inhibin B again to double make sure,so I have one more check. When he told me about the eggs he gave no real hope on our own,I tried. I'm taking the dhea on my own.The only other "meds" he would have me on when I became pregnant would be progesterone and baby asprin.
I'm the baby and well my sisters and I only share our father.The only sister that "would" maybe donate isn't in any health to do so...and since we have just known each other for a little over a year,its a reach.
I agree his sperm his genes,I miss spoke and ment our genes (sorry).
Another difficult element to this is the fact that dh will be leaving for overseas in January and not be back till May,then in June were moving to North Dakota.
I appreciate your thoughts and understanding. I want a baby so bad,I just never imagined that now would be so hard.I sometimes want to just say forget it (wich is totally ok with dh) but I just want one more baby to take home.
I will call into my RE and see if he can check my eggs again now and again in a few months to see if anything if at all has changed.
I have a gut feeling that its going to come down to a donor egg but Im praying for a miracle.