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I probably made a mistake/ kid/loss/gender disappointment Print Version

3Princes 05-17-11 01:04 AM

I probably made a mistake/ kid/loss/gender disappointment
Josh, my 6 year old, is my mini-me. He's very sensitive, and was unfortunately old enough to know and remember when "mommy had a baby in her belly and God decided to take the baby right back up to heaven."

It's not something we talk about a whole lot, but it does, every now and then come up in conversation. I'm ok with talking about it, because I like to keep as open and truthful relationship with my kids as possible. The other night we were discussing the heart necklace they got for me for Christmas-- it has 3 interlocking hearts on it, for the 3 boys. So then I joked, what about dadoo (daddy)? And then I said, well we could have 5, for the baby in heaven too.

Josh looked a little surprised but then remembered the whole situation when I reminded him. Then he said something shocking--- "Mommy, was the baby a girl?"

I was so taken aback, though I shouldn't have been, and I said, "Well, yes it was, honey."

He got pretty upset. As soon as I told him, I knew he would be. I dont think I've mentioned it too much but Josh struggled badly when he found out that Brady wasnt' going to be a girl. I struggled with the idea of never having a daughter, but mainly I struggled with how upset Josh was. He had a name picked out, would pick out clothes for her, and cried and cried when I said it was a brother. He just kept saying "I already HAVE a brother." Only a few months ago he said "I feel bad about it mom. I should have wanted a brother." (He even has GUILT for wanting a sister, sheesh, he is his mother's son!) However, lately he has been saying "Mommy, I wish 4 kids was the perfect number for our family, not 3, because then we could have a sister."

ANYWAY, he got very upset and said "but if the baby had lived, we would have a sister for us." I said, "yes, but she was sick, and her heart wasn't beating, and God took her right back up to heaven. And... when you are 100 years old and YOU go to heaven, she will be waitin' up there for you."

He seemed ok about it then, but I probably should have lied and said I didn't know what the baby was. I was just so shocked at the question that I didn't even think about it.

Mark'sbabygirl 05-17-11 05:43 AM

OMG, what a sweet, sad story. You have such an incredible family- and I love that you told him she'll be waiting for him! Sniff Sniff...hug hug

Mark'sbabygirl 05-17-11 05:48 AM

And I don't think you made a mistake.... :)

savannah33 05-17-11 07:29 AM

:bighug: I don't think you made a mistake either. I love the relationship you have with the kids.

rudolphia 05-17-11 09:52 AM

I think you handled it just right. :hugs: