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Old 07-10-12, 12:33 PM
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Default is this neglect? advice please!

I have a good friend who has 2 little girls, one is a year and a half, and the other is one month old. She has been a great mom with her eldest, and is trying hard to do best for them both. I spend a few days a weeks with her, as we are both stay at home moms. She told me she was having trouble bonding with her new little one,, and i figured this was post partum depression. Only thing is, i noticed that when i am at her house, she will change her diaper maybe once in 8 or 9 hours. I was worried about this, but the baby doesn't seem to have diaper rash so i felt it was not my place to say anything. But the other day i asked her how often she bathed her, she told me she had not bathed her yet. She is 4 weeks old. Is this neglect? It sure seems like it to me. I suggested a sponge bath, because thought maybe she was scared of submerging her in the water, and she told me she has used baby wipes to clean her, but has just not found the time to bathe her yet. My friend is very defensive, and it is hard ti approach her with anything that she might find offensive, so i am trying to get some advice before speaking to her about this. Please let me know, is this normal behavior? Or normal post partum symptoms?
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Old 07-12-12, 09:28 PM
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First the jump from one to two is hard. I know I struggled going from just my daughter to daughter and son. Mine were 2.5 years apart tho. I'm hoping that she is changing her diaper more often than what you posted. Also I know with a newborn and a toddler getting the newborn in the tub wasn't as big of a priority as the older child. With my son I often used wipes or just a wash cloth and wiped him down. I didn't go a month in between baths but they were no where near as frequent as my older child's. Is your friend feeling overwhelmed at home? Does she have adequate support aside from your visits? She could have ppd or just need some sleep and time adjusting to having two young girls. Good luck with talking with her. I hope things turn around for her soon.
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Old 07-24-12, 03:20 AM
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Sounds like she's going through a difficult time. I would be very careful not to directly accuse her of neglect. That would just make her defensive and won't help anyone. Since she said she doesn't have time to bathe her little one, you can suggest watching the older one while she does it?

If she's going without sleep and help for a while, it might explain a lot of her behaviour. Do you think it's possible to help her find more support from family or friends so she could get back on her feet? If she's suffering from PPD she might need medical attention as well. As a mother yourself, I'm sure you have your hands full, but if you can help her find all the support she can get, you would be doing a great favour to those little kids.
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Old 07-24-12, 02:32 PM
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It sounds like she is incredibly overwhelmed. That happened with me when my second child. I didn't neglect her needs but I did struggle to bond with her in the first year.

I would have made a world of difference if a friend would have come over and just spent time with me. I was isolated from the "real world" and I closed myself off from everyone. But I think I probably was longing for company. My husband would come home at the end of the day and I was exhausted. That first year with two was VERY ROUGH. In fact, I don't even remember our second daughter's milestones from that first year. I was pretty despondent.

I tihnk the best thing you can do is be her friend. Offer to visit with her often, help out with the other one so she has a chance to see this new baby as an individual, and maybe offer to keep both of them (even in her own house?) so she can grab an occasional nap. As she grows more comfortable with you in those regular day-to-day interactions, she'll probably be more likely to open up about how she's feeling and you'll be better able to gauge where she stands on the PPD scale.

If it is possible, try to plan a Mom's Night Out as well. It doens't have to be a party night or anything, but dinner and some grown-up conversation can go a long way to rejuvenate the soul and reconnect us with who we are aside from Mommy, chef, waitress, diaper-changer, dishwasher, milk-maker, husband's fantasy-star, and laundry maid. Sometimes we just want to feel human again!

to you and your friend.
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Old 08-16-12, 03:25 AM
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She is probably just having trouble adapting to the new little one. Maybe try to help her relieve some of the stress of having a new little one.
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