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telling the kids/family ect..

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  • Janine Janine's Avatar 06-16-06 | 03:04 PM

    Well, we are almost ready to start actively TTC. How long did you guys wait after finding out you were pg before telling the kids, rest of teh family...and how did you handle the ex?

    Our girls are 4 and 9, and I think 9 months is an awful long time for them to be waiting for a new brother or sister because it seems like forever to them. Jason has talked about waiting until we are almost done with the first trimester before telling his family too because his sis has had 2 miscarriages in the last 2 years and it has been so heartbreaking for his mother because there is a genetic heart defect that comes through her side of the family. Tori has it, but it is very mild and doesn't really require anything more than an exam every two years.

    And also would you tell your ex(your partners ex ), let it go, or let the kids tell them? I think we found out about Jason's ex's pg through Tori, but his ex actually told him herself pretty early on. My ex's best friends wife is a mod on this board....and she and her husband have lurked and caused trouble for me on another board that I post on...I kind of feel like I am skating on thin ice here. I want to be able to post freely about a pregnancy, but I also want to handle things delicately and do things in my own time. So I guess what I am looking for is help deciding if i am going to just hide the pregnancy from my online "family" until I am ready for the world to know about it.
    I don't want to stir up trouble, and I know that a lot of the people on here know the person.
  • akchic akchic's Avatar 06-16-06 | 05:13 PM
  • Nobody knows me on TBC. I haven't told friends and family about it just because I don't want to deal with issues you have described.

    When I got pregnant after TTC for 2+ years I told my parents immediatly. I think we told dh's kids when I was about 8 weeks along. They told their mom. I had originally planned to wait til 12 weeks but I was too excited. Plus I had major morning sickness.
  • Janine Janine's Avatar 06-16-06 | 05:28 PM
  • yeah..I wish now that I hadn't told her about TBC, but our husbands were best friends so when she got pg.....

    I never did have much in the way of morning sickness with Kim. General nausea, but no real throwing up. But I was really excited and told everyone the same day i found out. I think it would be a hard secret to keep. I am definitely going to keep it quiet at work until I start showing though.
  • LeAnnimal LeAnnimal's Avatar 06-16-06 | 07:59 PM
  • ummmm.

    Ok, since I do know who it is then this is what I say.

    We had to tell Megan right away because we had been trying forever and I was going to be going the doc etc and I was beginning to get sick. But, she was 15. That's TOTALLY different.

    Our thing with the exes was totally wonderful, we tried HARD for two years and she was always asking about me, so that's different. But, I think I would tell them myself, maybe before the girls know so that it's not a shock and they can be there to talk about it if they need to. But that being said, I would wait as long as I could, kwim?

    Work, well, I had many people asking me and not kidding, someone asked the morning I got my first positive and I started bawling. Some secret keeper I am huh?

    Now, back to TBC. It's going to be your call. There is something really special about this place and being able to be as free as you want to post and get support. I would hope that both of you at this point could maybe let bygones be bygones and if one of you has asked for privacy then let them have their privacy. But, it's your call. You could always pm them too and say you understand that you all have had your differences, but it's really important to you that you can maintain your friendships her and that you would also appreciate that any business that goes on here stay here. And, you guys aren't really in the same circle so it *shouldn't* be a big deal. BUT, I don't know any details and don't know if this would be possible. You'd just have to take that gamble. I would hope that you would feel free to do what you want. I also hope that things work out...

    I can't WAIT to hear about your TTC journey and I hope that it's easy for you!!!!

    Last edited by LeAnnimal; 06-16-06 at 08:04 PM..
  • sarabrydges sarabrydges's Avatar 06-16-06 | 08:40 PM
  • I told my son's birth mother myself, and then she pretended she didn;t know so he could excidedly tell him herself.

    We told him when I started to show.

    As for your TBC situation, I agree, PM the person (yes I know who it is) tell her you would like to let everything be water under the bridge and then blissfully ignore each other.

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