If your husband works a lot... Ages & Stages

Mrs.Emily · 08-18-09, 03:19 PM

How does your child react to him coming home. Is he/she easily comforted by Daddy?

We are running into the problem where I am the main caretaker and nurturer and DH works a LOT. He is often gone for 36 hours at a time and sometimes only sees John for 2 hours before John goes to bed and then he's off to work again the next day. When DH is home he always bathes John, spends almost all of his time playing with him, I leave the house on purpose, and even when I am there I pump and George feeds him EBM in a bottle. But STILL when it's bedtime, or J is upset, George can't do anything for him. He wants his Mama. This hurts George's feelings.
When George is home from work for several days on vaca, John is fine with him after the 3rd day or so. John definitely knows who Daddy is and loves him very much, but he wants his Mama.

I think we are doing everything we can to help the situation, I guess I'm just wondering what you all do, or what your situation is like, and what I can say to DH to comfort him.

lauralkemp · 08-18-09, 03:42 PM

Doug(DH) works a strange schedule. He works M-F 11:30am-8pm and every other Saturday 9-3. So I make a point of Joseph Taking a late nap so he has Daddy time at night. I also make Doug wake up at least twice a week and handle all the morning stuff. Usually one of those days is when he gets a week day off because he worked the prior Saturday. Joseph definitely knows his daddy and he loves hearing Daddy's car drive up at night.
I encourage as much play time as possible with them.
I bet as John gets older he'll be less clingy with you and more easily adaptable to George's schedule.

LAB · 08-18-09, 05:37 PM

I'm sorry he's feeling this way. I've been through having my DH work and going to school full time. The girls rarely saw him! Truthfully my DH does have a better baby relationship with Everett as he is home in the evenings. Even with much more daddy time, Everett still wants his mommy! Daddies are great for playing with and having fun, but its a different relationship. At least it always has been in our home. You two are different people and you will always have a different relationship with your child. Neither is better, just different.

I have more thoughts to share, but I need to run. I'll leave you with this: Do you have the same relationship with both of your parents?

Laura

Susan · 08-18-09, 08:51 PM

My older kids have always wanted my DH to do everything for them when he is home...since they were born basically. My oldest is 7 and for 7 years my DH has done almost every bath, bedtime story, and nighttime routine. I can count on one hand how many times I have done it.

I still have a great relationship with my kids but sometimes kids want one parent more than another for various reasons.

I think as long as George bonds with the baby when he is home then everything will be fine...they will have a strong relationship and will grow as he gets older

my DH leaves at 6am and is home at about 7 pm on most days. He works every saturday from 9-1. So he feels that the hour he has with the kids every night from 7pm until 8pm bedtime is very important.

Dopey406 · 08-18-09, 10:08 PM

We make jokes around here that Alex likes Daddy more than me. He only likes me when it's feeding time. Otherwise, he'd rather be with Andy.

I'm not that bothered by it at this point. If he was 5 and didn't want to spend time with me, THEN I'd worry.

At this age, as long as George and John are spending time together, they'll be building memories together. That bond will grow as John ages and they can do more "guy stuff" together on George's time off.