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Kendall's behavior towards her friends

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Old 09-27-10, 03:52 PM
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Default Kendall's behavior towards her friends

I took Kendall to a friend's house Friday night for some much-needed girl-talk-bonding time. My friend has a dd about 1.5 month younger than Kendall.

For about the 1st 15 minutes they were fine together. Then they started, mainly Kendall, getting upset about whose turn it was to play with a certain toy. Kendall would push her friend off or hit her friend if she wouldn't get off right away. Not very hard, more like a swipe/swat. They finally tired of that particular toy & my friend put on an Elmo DVD b/c her dd likes it & will actually sit & watch. Well, Kendall continued to swat at her friend, my friend, at me. I am not a spanker and honestly I feel a little strange being stern & turning on the "angry mommy" voice in front of people. So, I kept pulling Kendall aside & telling her that we don't that we don't hit, it's not nice, etc. The minute I would say it, she'd reach out & swat at me or her friend again! It was like she was showing off or something. After awhile it was really getting on my nerves & I could tell it was getting on my friend's. I did try to put her in time-out, but that didn't last long. My friend even asked/suggested popping her, spanking, or thumping her in the mouth since obviously talking wasn't working. I told her I don't think that hitting her while telling her not to hit makes any sense. Eventually, I decided that Kendall was tired & was acting out, so I layed her down in her guest room & she went to sleep.

On one hand I felt terrible, on the other I was a little upset my friend didn't seem to understand/couldn't relate as she days her dd is not like that & plays well with others. I felt like she was giving me "that look" like please control your child or I will! Kendall does not act like this at daycare, at least the teachers tell me she doesn't, and my parents have never said she is like this with the kids she meets at the park or library. (but yes, she does do this to us at home & my parents sometimes) But when she gets with kids of our friends that are around the same age, it's like she becomes a different kid! Especially if their kid is not a hitter; I think she can sense who she can boss around & who she can't.

I don't know what to do! I am sure this is a phase & is not a pre-curser to her life making friends as she gets older, but MAN is it annoying right now!
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Old 09-27-10, 05:09 PM
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I can't believe your friend would tell you how to discipline your daughter. Now matter how Kendall was behaving, that was totally out of line.

I can understand how you felt being the mom of the aggressor. Remember that she's only 2 and that you have plenty of time to get the message across that this behavior is unacceptable. I think timeout would work fine if she weren't tired, so you'll have to react differently if this happens when she's tired (or limit interactions with other kids to times that you'll know she's well rested).

Knowing that this friend is critical of your daughter, you might want to get together with her when it's only the two of you until you feel like you've made some progress on this with Kendall.

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Old 09-30-10, 05:34 AM
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not sure I have any advice as we are having problems with Lucy in that she refuses to play with other kids..she tells me no not like mama when I gently try to get her to play with kids in the park. It's not all kids because my SIL minds a few kids and she has no problems with the 3 boys but lately she has started crying and getting clingy when she sees small kids. My niece was in my mum's house the other day and Lucy flipped when she saw, she nearly vomited she was crying so much, poor Isabelle was only toddling about. Of course like you I'm getting the looks from family and them saying that she needs to around kids more or she is too sensitive. I bring her to the park nearly everyday and the days I don't we have her out and about with us either walking or shopping etc..

anyone any advice on what to do? I'm determined to keep encouraging her to interact with the kids in the playground and when she does have a meltdown I do comfort her but only in that I hold her give her a hug but I don't want to make an issue of it. I'm just pissed because DH's family is so critical they know everything, well they think they do
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