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boundary testing & bad mommy moments (venting!) Print Version

MrsS1stbaby 03-16-11 09:37 AM

boundary testing & bad mommy moments (venting!)
The last couple of days have been stressful in our house. I am sure some of it has to do with the time change & my not sleeping well in general b/c of pregnancy, but I feel awful just the same and like I really need a vacation. From everything.

Kendall has been pushing buttons left & right and honestly Dh isn't helping. She is learning to ask him first b/c she knows I will likely say no to whatever she is asking. Or he is just sitting idly by while he sees me struggling with her instead of jumping in to help or distract her.

Anyways, last night I was very tired, my feet & legs were killing me and I just wanted to sit down. But Kendall wanted to paint & Dh is falling asleep on the couch b/c he's been at jury duty all day & it apparently drains him. She kept putting the paint & paintbrush in her mouth, so I told her if she did it again we were putting it away b/c she was not listening. After I put away, she said "you always yell at me, you don't love me." OMG- how heartbreaking is that and what a loser am I???? Then Dh says from his place on the couch, "wow, that's pretty bad that your daughter is saying that already." REALLY? I promptly said I didn't need any help from the peanut gallery sleeping on the couch.

Later she is testing me again when I told her if she was finished playing with her puzzles she needed to come help clean them up. she said, "no, you clean up." I said no, that she needed to come help me, so (this is her new thing now) she says "Please??"over and over. I told her that was not how the word please worked and eventually had to tell her I was going to spank her if she didn't come over there. Then I counted to 3, she got spanked, and looked at me with the horrible, tear-streaked face and told me I hurt her. She of course then helped me put the puzzles away and we snuggled and talked about listening again. (that is her main thing- not listening)

All of this is mingled with hugs & good behavior too, but why do these little tiny moments affect us so much? After she went to bed, I just felt so horrible and almost cried a few times. I feel like I AM always yelling and am so tired of it. I am seriously scared of becoming the sort mom I don't want to be, sort of like my mom was to me when I was a kid/teenager, and I am evem more so worried since I will have 2 kids now!

I am sure I am just having a bad couple of days, but man this feeling is the pits!

savannah33 03-16-11 09:43 AM

:bighug: You'll get through it and being aware of the type of behavior you don't want to see in yourself will keep you from it. :hugs: You're doing the right thing by not letting her get away with it. It may be hard now but the benefits will pay off later. As for your dh, you need to kick his butt off the couch after she goes to bed and tell him you EXPECT him to be a damn parent and shut his stupid mouth if he doesn't have anything positive to say. :mad: I'm sorry but my dh is pissing me off right now too and I'm over MEN. :fight:

Sheri 03-16-11 10:05 AM


ITA with Susan.
You and your dh need to be on the same page with your children or there will always be conflict. I had to throw a tantrum :bag: in order to get my dh to help/understand what I needed from him. He's great now. :wink:
You are a doing a great job mom!

lauralkemp 03-16-11 10:05 AM

Ok, I soo know what you are going through. Joseph is really working the "no" word and has even learned "mean mommy" if I have to spank him. My DH is somewhat better about being aware of when I need help but sometimes I end up snapping at him to help instead of watch, comment, etc....
I agree with Susan that you and he need to have a talk about expectations and being a parent team and not seperate units. He can't be afraid to be the bad guy.
You really need to get all this in line before the baby comes because Daddy needs to be able to step in BIG TIME when you have your hands full with a newborn and a toddler. You shouldn't have to ask ALL the time.

MrsS1stbaby 03-16-11 12:04 PM

Thanks ladies- I really need to remember to breathe and even walk away when I sense I myself getting too worked up. I know I really should bring up these things to Dh when they happen; I think it probably confuses him more if I act like everything is fine and I don't let him know how much it really bothered me right then & there.

I think it was off to a bad start yesterday when I decided to cook dinner & do dishes, as he always does this, and he could spend the time with dd. (like I always do, taking her outside to play, going on walks, etc while he cooks) He offered to help with the dishes & told him he didn't have to, that I thought he could spend time w/dd. He said, "well, if I help you we can both spend time with her when it's done." When I didn't tell him when I started the dishes (b/c I didn't want his help) instead of taking the lead with dd & doing something with her, he sat on the computer for 15 minutes. UGH-MEN!!!!

We've had the talk about how when the baby comes, he really is going to have to step up when it comes to dd. Maybe he is just trying to test me or is "resting" before the real work starts in a few months?? I dunno, but it's annoying!