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Old 04-13-06, 07:19 PM
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Default "The Middle Wife"

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
>>>
>>>I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
>>>but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
>>>classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
>>>always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over
>>>shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
>>>turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
>>>And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
>>>want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>>>
>>>Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing
>>>kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
>>>pillow stuffed under her sweater.
>>>She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother,
>>>and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him
>>>as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
>>>and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
>>>
>>>She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
>>>laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her
>>>in amazement.
>>>
>>>"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
>>>oh,oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked
>>>around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing
>>>a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She
>>>delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's
>>>man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."
>>>
>>>Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall."And then, pop! My
>>>Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and
>>>it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid
>>>has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing
>>>away. It was too much!
>>>
>>>"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
>>>breathe.'They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of
>>>a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all
>>>said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff
>>>inside there."
>>>
>>>Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
>>>I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell
>>>day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
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Old 04-13-06, 07:43 PM
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I've seen that one before but it always gets me thinking . . . I wonder what Julia says at school! I'm sure they hear tons of cute er I mean embarassing stories about us!!!
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Old 04-14-06, 12:32 AM
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It does make you wonder how our lives come out from their perspective!!
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Old 04-15-06, 04:03 AM
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Umbrella cord!
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