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"The Middle Wife"

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  • HelenWendy HelenWendy's Avatar 04-13-06 | 06:19 PM
  • By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
    >>>
    >>>I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
    >>>but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
    >>>classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
    >>>always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over
    >>>shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
    >>>turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
    >>>And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
    >>>want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
    >>>
    >>>Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing
    >>>kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
    >>>pillow stuffed under her sweater.
    >>>She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother,
    >>>and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him
    >>>as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
    >>>and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
    >>>
    >>>She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
    >>>laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her
    >>>in amazement.
    >>>
    >>>"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
    >>>oh,oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked
    >>>around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing
    >>>a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She
    >>>delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's
    >>>man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."
    >>>
    >>>Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall."And then, pop! My
    >>>Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and
    >>>it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid
    >>>has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing
    >>>away. It was too much!
    >>>
    >>>"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
    >>>breathe.'They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of
    >>>a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all
    >>>said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff
    >>>inside there."
    >>>
    >>>Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
    >>>I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell
    >>>day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
  • Jillian Jillian's Avatar 04-13-06 | 06:43 PM
  • I've seen that one before but it always gets me thinking . . . I wonder what Julia says at school! I'm sure they hear tons of cute er I mean embarassing stories about us!!!
  • Allison Allison's Avatar 04-13-06 | 11:32 PM
  • It does make you wonder how our lives come out from their perspective!!