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1st Trimester Blues: Intimacy/In the bedroom

1st Trimester Blues: Intimacy/In the bedroom

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  • raabta01 raabta01's Avatar 09-04-07 | 12:40 AM
  • Ok,

    This is a lot for one of my first posts but I have some questions and so far I haven't found a book that has much info. that applies to my situation.

    We are in the 9th week and as the physical signs of my wife's pregnancy are starting to bloom I find myself more attracted to her than ever before. The problem is she feels, in her words, "no desire to have sex or be intimate". We enjoyed a pretty active sexual life before hand and I've been flustrated. I've come to the realization (finally) that this doesn't really have anything to do with me personally but I'm still flustrated at the situation. I liked knowing that I could seduce/romance my wife and now I feel like anything I do that could remotely be related to sex makes my wife uncomfortable. I'm not saying that I'm some sex fiend or anything but I'm kind of starting to think that my wife is assuming that anything I do or say with a sexual connotation is some scheme of mine to get into her pants (which it is not).

    Is this normal for women? So far all the books she has talk about women worrying that, or men feeling like, a pregnant woman isn't attractive anymore.

    Just trying to rekindle the spark here!

    Thanks in advance for your help.

  • Jen_C Jen_C's Avatar 09-04-07 | 08:28 AM
  • Hi and welcome to the baby corner!

    I'm not sure about what's considered normal, but I can tell you about my experience. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and just like your wife - I have NO desire whatsoever to be intimate with my dh. For me it's not because I feel unattractive or anything like that, I just seriously lack the urge to get into it. I feel like I need to take some sort of pill to increase my sex drive! This is my second pregnancy and I was the same way with my first the entire time I was pregnant. Some woman have the oppositte effect when they are pregnant - seems that can't get it enough.

    For me I would love it if my dh sat with me on the couch, snuggled while we watched a movie, or talked about baby names or anything about the new little one. A massage would always be awesome.
    Maybe try doing lots of the little romantic things for your wife, but make sure you keep an open mind and remember that most likely your actions won't end with the actual deed. Hopefully some of the other ladies can help with some suggestions for you.
  • NicholeMatthew NicholeMatthew's Avatar 09-04-07 | 10:26 AM
  • ahh... yes completely normal.

    How would you feel exhausted and nausiated?
    Ok ok, really though... it does get better. Eventually, then takes a backseat again. (usually around the 30 week mark)

    So, instead of trying to get romantic.... give her massages, and such... with no strings attached. Maybe then she'll open up.

    (and yes, there will be a sex life later!! )

    Consider it 'training' for the 6 weeks after birth where you can't (medically) have sex!
    (at least that is what I tell my dh)
  • Bethann73 Bethann73's Avatar 09-04-07 | 11:01 AM
  • Totally normal. My husband is like you.. he finds me almost more attarctive once I'm pg..

    I agre with the other ladies.. be kind and do things with out expectations.. that may be your best bet..
  • raabta01 raabta01's Avatar 09-04-07 | 03:16 PM
  • Ok, first off, thanks to all those who replied.

    Second, what is a "dh", I guess I'm not up to speed on the lingo here?

    Third, before the pregnancy we've been big on massages (and still are). I think the problem for me is that she's never been a big cuddler, (but I kind of am) she would say she's not a "touchy-feely type". So now that the sex is out of the picture I'm feeling deprived of any physical relationship with her. I think I kind of burned the bridges to to speak because at the begining, when I didn't understand, I was trying for more. Now I'd be prefectly content just cuddling, but now she thinks I'm still trying for more.

    I guess I should also point out that I'm not alone in this. My wife feels bad about it too and is trying to understands what's going on. We've tried talking about it together but it usually ends up with me asking her a lot of questions that she really doesn't have answers to.

    P.S. Jen_C, if you ever develop that pill send some our way!