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Can you help? Night time issues

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Old 05-22-09, 09:04 PM
onemellogirl's Avatar
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Default Can you help? Night time issues

Ok, I really could use some help, advice, suggestions. Ava will be 8 months old next week and we are experiencing some bedtime/night time issues with her.

She is still requiring me to rock her to sleep at night. This is becoming a issue because she kicks me, fights me, pulls my hair, scratches at me etc. She fights until the end. Once she has given up and has fallen asleep, I will lay her in the crib. And then her eyes fly open faster than a window shade. She's screaming, crying, pulling up on the crib etc. So, I will try and lay her back down, pat her back, sing to her, etc. She fights, rolls over, screams, cries etc, and works herself up until she cant calm herself down again. (This is another thing I am worried about, she cannot soothe herself yet) Lately, if she is like this after I try to pat her back for a while, I will walk away and see if she will give up and lay down. But, she doesn't. Last night she cried for almost 45 mins before I went and picked her back up. She just wont give up, she wont stop crying, she wont calm herself down; she will cry until someone gets her. At this point, I will usually give her a bottle, but then that seems to give her a second wind, and she's up wanting to crawl around on the floor, watch TV, etc. Last night she didnt go back to bed until 4 am.

I dont know what to do. Is it too early to just let her scream her brains out for hours until she falls asleep? Is she too young to expect her to calm herself down? What am I doing wrong? I never had trouble with my older 2 girls. They would cry for about 15 mins and then fall asleep.

Another thing is she is very clingy with me. If I leave her with DH to run to the store, go to my oldest DD Softball games, etc, she will scream until I come back. Last weekend she cried the entire 3 hours I was gone. This is maddness. Again, she gets herself so worked up, she cant calm down. I know that babies tend to have seperation anxiety around 9 months, but Ava has done this since the beginning. Im a SAHM so she is not in daycare, does this have anything to do with it???

What are we doing wrong? Are we spoling her? Is too early for tough love? I need to get things under control, and I need some help. Any advice, suggestions, etc. PLEASE HELP!!!!
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Old 05-22-09, 09:31 PM
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well, my personal opinion is to do a modified CIO.

Put her in her crib. (or in the room by herself if you're not using a crib)
kiss her, pat her back. and walk out. Let her cry for 15-20 minutes.
Come back in. Put her in bed, kiss her, pat her back for a couple seconds. then walk out and let her cry for another 15-20 minutes

do that over and over. Each time, (after the first 2 or 3 time) extend it for another 4-5 minutes.

Sounds like she has never learned to self soothe.

Oh, and I'd also just give her a bottle of water. No milk at this point.
 

they don't need it and they'll stop waking and asking for it if they don't like it.
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Thank you skyqueen!
onemellogirl (05-23-09)
 
Old 05-22-09, 10:03 PM
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Some kids are more attached to one parent... and more STUBBORN than others are. You aren't necessarily doing anything WRONG... but it sounds like you need to change some things around with her/your routine to make your life a little less stressful (and hers too)!!

I agree with Karen/Skyqueen...

She's old enough for a "modified CIO". Although I'd probably start with 7-10min increments on the first night & then increase it by 5min every night thereafter.
IT WON'T BE EASY & you'll be in for a few loooong nights... but it sounds like you've had some long nights anyways. It also sounds like she's got a bit more of a stubborn streak than your other two
 
.

It's helpful if you actually NOTE THE EXACT TIME when you walk out of her room... and don't let yourself go back in until the time is UP. Set the oven timer if you have to. I know that 2min of your baby crying seems like A LONG LONG TIME, when it's really just 2min.

I agree with the no milk at night policy too... I probably wouldn't even give her a bottle of water unless she seemed super thirsty or something (which might happen if she's crying a lot). She's old enough/weighs enough at this point to "make it" through the night without eating.

As for the seperation anxiety... well... she IS at "that age" for it!! I bet your Dh will be THRILLED with this idea
 
- but you should probably go out MORE without her so she starts to realize that Mommy will always come back!! When dad comes home, let him get settled... you say "bye bye" to Ava, give her a kiss & run down to the grocery store for 10min or so. Nowhere to go?? Just sit in your car & turn on the radio
 
. Just get her used to you leaving AND COMING BACK.
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Thank you Heidi1361!
onemellogirl (05-23-09)
 
Old 05-22-09, 11:07 PM
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I don't have any other suggestions, but I agree with what Karen & Heidi have said. Although my ped would say no on the bottle in bed as the milk can pool in her gums & cause teeth issues if she is getting any yet. And she may get used to it & never learn to self-soothe.

The only other thing I wondered while reading your post was..does she take naps & does she do this at naps as well or only at night?

Kendall was thankfully a pretty good sleeper. Sometimes she stays up later than we would like or doesn't want to take a nap, but in general she has distinct signs when she is tired & usually goes down without any fanfare. We have the same routine we do everynight: put the PJ's on & if she ready for bed, the nightlight goes on, the pacifier goes in the mouth, we lay her in her crib, hand her teddy, & turn on her seahorse thing that lights up & plays music. (sometimes the PJ's go on, but she still wants to play for a bit) I hope you guys find something that works for you & soon!
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Thank you MrsS1stbaby!
onemellogirl (05-23-09)
 
Old 05-22-09, 11:17 PM
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No advice but a big hug.
 

I gave up trying to let my kids CIO early on because they'd scream for hours and vomit in their bed. So they slept with me or I slept with them...and yea I still sleep with them quite often but at least we all get some sleep. (and besides, they don't snore as loud as DH
 
)
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Thank you 2babygirls!
onemellogirl (05-23-09)
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