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Old 08-19-10, 07:54 PM
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I told DH I was nervous to get my haircut as school is starting next week and I am not keen on changing things up. He convinced me it would be a good idea. I needed the trim, blah, blah, blah.

Well, she sits me down and I tell her I don't have anything in mind. I also told her I don't like short hair but just wanted to "experience getting my haircut at Disney". DH says "maybe an inch or two" and I promptly said "two is too much".

The lady faces me toward DH, and away from the mirror. I felt scissors on my neck and mouthed to DH "what is going on. I don't want all my hair cut off". He gets up and takes a look and sits back down and gives me the thumbs up. I assumed it was just like a layer she was cutting to give it more volume or something. I get my hair trimmed maybe 2 times a year so I trusted that what he saw was not what I was feeling.

Next thing I know I see her cut off the sides of my hair. I felt like dying. My stomach hurt so badly and by that point it was too late. Had he stopped her or at least told me she was cutting off all of my hair in the back, I could get away with a ponytail or even a single extension in the back. He never said a word.

I am so upset with him over this. If I saw someone doing something to him that he was unaware of and KNEW was not what he wanted I would do everything I could to stop it from happening. He did nothing.

He was so clueless that after he paid the bill and I ran from the shop in tears he wanted a picture.

I am more upset with what this haircut represents than the actual haircut. When I feel the cold breeze on my neck or see myself in the mirror I am reminded that DH doesn't hear me or see me or want to help me when I ask him for help.

I just had told him the night before how I never ever wanted short hair. My Mom used to give me bowl boy haircuts as it was easier for her to avoid tangles. I would cry and beg for her not to cut it. DH always thought it was cruel that she did that and always claimed to understand why I never wanted short hair again. I guess he didn't really hear me or understand.

We have been having a lot of problems and this was just a very tangible and in my face reminder that we don't value the same things or each other.

So along with a really horrible tuft of hair I am also left feeling as if I am married to a man who doesn't love me and whom I no longer trust.

Lessons learned. Never trust a stylist who doesn't speak the same language as you or at least is 100% sure what you requested. Never let a hair stylist turn you away from a mirror while they are cutting. And the last and hardest lesson I learned is to never trust that my husband listens to me or cares what I want, value or feel or that he will help me or be there when needed.

In hindsight I should have straight out asked the lady why I felt scissors on my neck, but I trusted that DH had my "back". I know now to never trust anyone but myself, especially when it comes to something I want or don't want to happen. Nobody, not even my husband can be there for me when I need them.
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Old 08-19-10, 09:00 PM
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That really is a horrible story. I would be totally upset too!

So did he apologize? Do you think he's sorry? Does he realize how fragile you are right now?
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Old 08-20-10, 12:01 AM
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I don't think he is sorry. He's sorry only about me bringing up a whole bunch of unpleasantness regarding our marriage. For that he's sorry. For my hair it was a "Sorry, but...blah blah blah".

What made matters worse was this "haircut" took place an hour before DD and I were to have a special lunch at the castle with all the princesses. It comes with a photo package with Cinderella. I had been wanting to do this with her since she was a toddler.

I was trying hard to get some courage to be in the picture with DD for memories sake. I have a lot of issues the past 3 years with photos of myself. After the haircut, that wasn't even an option in my mind. I was upset over the loss of that special memory with DD as well. I had to really swallow hard and pull it together to even go to the lunch at that point. She had a nice time but it would have been a lot nicer had she not witnessed her Mom in hysterical tears and Disney officials circling as her parents "discussed" what had just taken place.

DH's answer was that he knows nothing about hair and didn't know better.
 
I don't know how to juggle, but if I see someone throwing three balls in the air, I assume that is what is going on. He may not know woman's hair, but scissors at someones neck and no hair underneath are obvious signs of a hair cut that is VERY Rachel Maddow short and not what his wife wanted EVER.

I've put our problems on the back burner for years and cut DH slack with our issues. With all the kids problems and our own health and financial problems it was easier to just put it aside. This haircut just infuriates me and brings all my issues with DH to the surface.

Sorry to turn a simple hair care question in to a marriage counseling session.
 


It has been a really rough year, an emotionally draining and heart wrenching summer and a hellish week. Is it 2011 yet??
 


He's sticking with his story that I'm overreacting to a "bad haircut" and that he's sorry but not really. I'm getting ready to doodle "moron" on his bald head in Sharpie before his first day of school. I wouldn't really do it, but maybe then he might understand how I feel. To feel like the person you love can't be trusted to protect you and make smart decisions is a horrible feeling.

I offered him the option of wearing a really bad toupee until my hair grows back. Of course that was "cruel" and "insane" of me as he has to teach students and "be seen" by so many kids. No mention of concern that I too am seen by people and kids every day. I may not teach but I still have to leave the house and participate in my kids lives. Grrrrrrrr!!!!!
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Old 08-20-10, 07:28 AM
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I'm sorry Nicole that you're so upset over this. I can understand being upset because it's not what you intended or wanted.

However I hope you're not going to get upset with me but I don't think you should blame your dh for your haircut. Yes he may have talked you into going, and he may not have stopped the haircut but ultimately it's not his fault. And honestly he sounds like he likes the haircut if he even wanted to take a picture. Go with it, make the best of it! It's hair and it will grow back. Until then hold your head up and deal with it. I agree with Jeanne that your daughter is very much watching you and seeing you put so much value in appearances is not a good thing. Your hair does not define who you are even if you think it does! Be a bigger person than that. If people don't like you because of your haircut they are shallow and not people you need in your life!
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Old 08-20-10, 09:19 AM
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If I had my hair cut and didn't like it, I would just wear. a. hat. As a SAHM, there is nowhere I go that a hat would be considered tacky. Except for church on Sunday, and then I would wear a fancy hat!!!
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