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Old 08-20-10, 09:28 AM
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Laurie I've missed you! You're always the voice of reason.
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Old 08-20-10, 11:44 AM
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I appreciate the words. I'm not super upset with DH over the hair. I'm mostly upset with a lot of things that have been going on for the last 3 years and this just is another "issue". I am however VERY hurt by his lack of care for my feelings after the haircut.

I can't wear a hat unless it is a snow cap. I have a very large head. Embarrassingly so. I don't fit in to a single hat in any store. I have actually had to have hats (for band) special ordered as my head is abnormally large. Add a pouf of hair and it is not cool.

I will have to special order a huge wig that only comes in 4 styles (non of which are better than what I am currently dealing with) as my scalp is 'extra large'. Haha!

Not sure how my Mom delivered me naturally. LOL!

I have a lot of resentment for DH's inability to recognize DS had a problem for all these years and only now 5 years later agrees that he's "different". I'm upset that every time I voiced a concern over his development, behavior, etc... DH told me I was overreacting, "not my boy", or I'm creating problems that don't exist.

I'm upset that he is upset with his parents for not accepting the diagnosis a day later but it took him 3 years to even consider something was wrong. Trust me, there is no love lost between me and his parents but in this instance DH is being hasty and insensitive. When he should have stood up to them years ago for their horrible behavior, this is the issue he picks to stand for?

That DH won't even consider taking a position that would be better financially for our family. I'm money grubbing because I want to pay all the bills and not have to sell my belonging to do so. It is even in the same line of work as he currently is in but I was "greedy" for wanting that. Apparently just spending time with your kids is all that makes a good father. Having an income to pay the bills and not cause horrible stress each month is a sign that I'm "high maintenance".
 


Even if he wasn't at fault he showed ZERO compassion for my pain and my hurt. Those are his responsibilities as my spouse. I am there for him any time he is sad, angry, sick, etc... He chose not to be there for me. He continually chooses not to be there for me.
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Old 08-20-10, 12:08 PM
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Nicole I'm sorry you're so unhappy. It sounds like not only are you dealing with unresolved marriage issues but you are depressed or something too. I hope you get the help you need to work through all of this. I think it goes way deeper than the haircut and I'm sure you realize that.
 
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Old 08-20-10, 12:56 PM
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you can get anything on the internet these days! Look at this cool link:
 
Don't get extensions, that would be expensive.
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Old 08-20-10, 12:59 PM
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Not really depressed. I really feel proactive and hopeful now that the kids are diagnosed and their care is being coordinated and not falling solely on my shoulders. KWIM? I also have a good team of physicians for my own personal care. Being ill and debilitated is in itself depressing, BUT there is hope and I have worked VERY hard the past 3 months to improve my physical health.

I am however saddened that DH and I have so many unresolved issues. It isn't a very novel story when you have two kids with health issues, financial issues and little family support. Those are pretty much the top 3 marriage killers. Sad, but not shocked if that makes sense. The stats for married couples dealing with any and all of these issues are not pretty.

If this was a new situation I would be depressed over it, but this has been going on for years. I have tried working on it with the little time we have. DH chooses to ignore the problems and keep on moving. It may work for him, but it isn't working for me. I'd rather be alone than to be married and feel alone.

Considering all that we've been dealt the past few years, I am very proud of how I've handled all these situations. I fought hard to get my kids diagnosed and obtain them the proper treatment they needed. I've worked very hard to find physicians who would give me some hope in my current health issues. I've pinched pennies, scrimped and saved to afford the things we've needed. I've researched and fought to get DH a diagnosis for his rare and scary health issues. I was in pain and ill but managed to continue to volunteered at the kids school and drive them 40 miles round trip each day through snow and blizzard conditions, etc...

I don't feel that makes me depressed "or something".

I think anyone, given the circumstances we have been given the last few years would be stressed and overwhelmed at times. That doesn't make the person "or something".

I appreciate your thoughts and concern but take slight offense to the inference that my marital problems or anger over the loss of my hair makes me "or something".

Everyone is a little "or something" at times. When life has been so out of your own personal control so often I don't think it is petty or vain to want to be able to control the very few things that are still in your locust of control. My hair was one of those things. I couldn't erase the steroid weight, acne, fat redistribution, hair loss, hair growth, etc...but I could control the style/length of my hair. I couldn't make DD's tics stop, make Milo stop spinning or writing lists of songs. I couldn't stop DH when he went in to shock twice the past 6 months. I couldn't control my Dad's heart attack, or my Mom's AVM. Losing the tiny shred of personal choice and control I had was difficult and hurtful at that moment in time. It is not "gone" but at that instance and for a few days after it hurt to have had yet another choice taken out of my hands. That doesn't make me "or something" that makes me human.
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