My husband's step-grandfather has cancer and is not doing well. He is 78 years old and has been doing chemo for the past few month or so. Today we got a text from my husband's aunt saying that he got very sick from the last chemo treatment and was admitted into the hospital. She said he tried to get out the bed by himself and fell. She also mentioned that the doctors think it may be the kidneys shutting down and she would keep us posted.

I've personally never really dealt with this as all my grandparents passed away when I was 17 & since they lived out of state, I never was privy to any of the information surrounding their illnesses. I don't know what this means, but I am assuming once one set of organs starts shutting down, the others will follow?

While I am feeling so sad for my husband's grandma and all of his family, all I can think about is what to tell Kendall. We did mention a few times when we have gone to visit that Papa wasn't going to be able to take her for a walk or he might be sleeping because he was sick. He's such a trooper and was always very active, so she hasn't noticed b/c it is hard to slow him down. But now I am afraid of what might happen and what I will have to tell her when the time comes.

We don't go to church on a regular basis, so would it confuse her to tell her he will be in heaven? If he is still at the hospital, should we allow her to go up there to give him a hug and kiss (like a goodbye)? It pains me to even write these words. My mother's father died when I was around 5, but since we lived in FL and he lived in MA it will not be the same as Kendall seeing her Papa here on a monthly basis (at the least). I know it's inevitable that she will ask where he is, even after we've explained it to her, but I have no idea how to even start.

I'm so sorry he is doing so poorly. It sounds like he is a really good man and grandfather.

I know we didn't go to church much as kids, but the idea of heaven was comforting. For some reason I think kids just know about the concept innately.

When it comes to a final goodbye, I would only do that if her grandfather was not in obvious pain. Otherwise, at least at this age, it might be better for her to only have happy memories of him as a vibrant and active Grandpa. It might tarnish their memories if her last one is too traumatic.

If she was older, the goodbye might be more important but this age, memories might be best left happy. He also might not want her to see him like that, especially if he was always so active and never slowing down.

I disagree about the goodbye. I think it's important for HIM as well as for her. I think honesty is also best. We lost my father in 2006 when Brent was almost 5, Brooke was 3 and Braedon was almost 2. Brent understood a great deal about the whole thing and I just talked to him openly about it and let him ask questions. Yes I cried a lot and it was hard but overall I think it helped him and me. We have pictures of my father with each individual child in their rooms and to this day they all still look at the picture and talk about granddaddy. I think my father would have been very upset if he had not gotten to see the kids towards the end. They knew he was really sick and we'd talked about how people are sick and sometimes die just because it's their time to go etc. In fact my father was doing pretty OK so we thought and me , the kids and my dh went to visit him on a Saturday (he lived in a nursing home out of town) on a whim one afternoon and the next morning the nurses called me to say he was doing really bad and he died before I could even get there.

His main nurse told us that after we left he told her that he was going to say goodbye to her because he wouldn't be there when she got there the next day. She brushed it off but he was right and she said she thought he died happy because he got to see all of us one last time. Now I'm crying!!

Anyway you have to do what is best but I think they are old enough to understand a lot more than you think they might.
 

I personally think it would be better to remember him the way she remembers him.

Im dealing w/ a similar situation w/ DH best friend dying of cancer. DH wanted to visit his friend and even his wife said it wouldnt be a good idea...it doesnt look like him and acts differently b/c of the morphine. Their daughter is 15 and sees him almost every day. She doesnt like they way he looks and prob will need counceling when he does go. Obviously we wouldnt take the girls to see him, but his wife is Nicole's godmother. We have visit her in the passed and felt awkard when the girls would ask where is he....At the time, they were separated and he moved out. I will have to tell them at some point about them not seeing him ever again....I just dread that day.

Im sorry to hear that hes not doing well.
 

We are a Christian family but do not participate in a lot of organized religious activities; however, my kids know about heaven. I think that the idea of those we have lost being together in a beautiful place is comforting.

I am not sure about the "good-bye", but I do think that you should just speak openly and honestly with children. I think the more openly you speak, the more openly they will be able to speak.

I am sorry that your gpa is nearing life's end and I wish him peace.