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Old 04-07-10, 04:12 PM
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I struggle with this, too. I think I lean toward not allowing them to go...just yet. The biggest problem I'd have is the influence of that kind of behavior on your children. As a result of my "traumatizing" upbringing, I'm VERY cautious of those to whom my children are exposed. And if I choose to surround myself and my family with those whom I feel will be positively influential.

It is for this reason that we've asked my sister to move out by the weekend. She has been living with us under the pretense that she was getting her life together to get back to her children but lied and snuck around to achieve her real goal of using us for money and sleeping with an ex-boyfriend at every opportunity. That's NOT the kind of lifestyle we promote or want our children exposed to so we gave her 5 days to find a new place to live.

Because of your FIL's childish, selfish attitude, I'd be wary of sending your children to spend time with him without you around.

My MIL used to treat me like garbage and once DH finally stood up to her, she changed. She still has a long way to go but she really did change after that ONE time he told her that if she didn't stop acting like a baby, we'd never visit again.

I've been in similar shoes and I don't envy your position. Hang in there and do what your HEART tells you is the right thing. Your Mama Heart won't lead you in a wrong direction.
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3Princes (04-08-10)
Old 04-07-10, 04:24 PM
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I think that you or DH should be with them while at your IL's. If he is going to be so immature as to not allow you, DH needs to stay. He doesn't seem like a very stable person!

If this continues when the kids are older I'd probably let them go without you, but not while they are young.
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3Princes (04-08-10)
Old 04-07-10, 11:50 PM
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Oh, I totally on the fence and waffling on this one.

I agree totally with Deanna that you need to insulate your children from people who may not be positive influences. I also think your FIL needs to grow up and get it -- it was a darn dog, not a child!!!

I also think that children are wonderful healers and could be a positive way to bridge the gap and allow for more healing.

No matter what, I'd say no visiting without daddy there.

Good luck -- this is a tough one!
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3Princes (04-08-10)
Old 04-08-10, 08:42 AM
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I'm going to side with Taylor on this one too. YOU are part of the family and just because FIL is upset over a stupid mean dog is no reason to treat you like you're not family. Until this was resolved NO my kids would not be going over there.
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3Princes (04-08-10)
Old 04-08-10, 12:29 PM
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I'm with Susan and Taylor as well. You are a part of their family and you helped create their grandchildren. Love the kids, love (or at least respect) their mother.

I also would worry about exposing my kids to that type of behavior as well as any damaging/tainting words your FIL might share with the kids.

Good luck Jeanne. I wish it wasn't so difficult and so stressful.
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