at this point what you do with her ashes is for you rather than her. so if it will bother you to put her ashes on the cold ground, then you shouldn't do that. if you can live with it, then i suggest putting them in the wind. from a plane, whatever. although i love the idea of a hawaii vacation... too bad you couldn't put them in a volcano.
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This is a tough question. I'd probably give up on any idea of getting Grandpa's ashes - your dad probably did something with them by now.

While I agree with the others that what you do is for YOU at this point, I also would feel the need to honor Grandma's wishes.

Hmmm is there any way to make something with the ashes? Some sort of keepsake? (Do they do that sort of thing?) If the ashes could be put into a lovely statue that would be something passed on to your children & grandchildren.

Other than a vault at a cemetary I can't think of anything else.

No matter what you do, I'm sure your grandma would understand your dillema and be fine with whatever you decide to do.

I'm sorry your family was so selfish and ignorant.
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Getting your grandfather's ashes sounds pretty unlikely.
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Maybe you could do something really creative...send them off to be made into jewelry, have them packed into a firework to be exploded in a celebration, have them buried in a coral reef to become a permanent part of the reef, have them mixed with paint and a beautiful painting created using that paint, etc.

All of those ideas and MANY MORE came from
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.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure your Grandma would be pleased that you gave it so much heartfelt thought.
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maybe you can get some jewelry made with part of the ashes or take some to a warm Island and then send the rest to your dad. that way you always have part of her with you and if he decides to destory the rest then it will be his own choice.

this place makes jewelry

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You could mix them with potting soil and plant a nice indoor plant and keep it indoors. You can also mix ashes with concrete to make a variety of items including a small memorial statue, bench, etc. that could be kept indoors.