My grandparents died 1 year apart from eachother. They were each cremated, as per their wishes. My grandma's urn was given to my grandpa, and was in the house when he died, so I have it/her/whatever you want to call it. OTOH, my dad was next of kin, and even though I had POA and was the executrix of his will and ultimately paid the bill, he refused to let me have any say or release the ashes/urn to me-- he gave them to my dad.

Well once the estate was settled, my dad stopped speaking to me for good, as did my half brothers.

I'm not sure what to do with the urn and her ashes. I'd like them to be together, so to speak, but my dad has a lot of anger towards my grandma and blames her for their problems. I could see him using her urn as an ash tray for his cigars. He's like that... seriously. Otherwise, I'd totally give her to him. I know he won't give grandpa to me.

The hard part is that my grandma was very specific that she didn't not want to be buried or scattered on the "cold ground." She hated the water, so that's out. She used to tell grandpa to scatter her ashes in their attic, which he never did and I didn't feel right doing since I'd sold the house. Right now she's upstairs in my room but I have to put her "away" when we show the house, etc, and plus what will the kids do with her when we die???

I know those ashes aren't "her" anymore, but they still are someone's remains, and deserve respect, kwim?

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Ugh! I'm a
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Hopefully someone can move this to the ask a ? board.

What about scattering her somewhere near the old house duringt he summer, whent he ground is not cold? Did she attend a specific church? Maybe you can scatter her ashes on a lawn nearby the church during the summer?

No-- she wouldn't have wanted to be scattered anywhere where on the ground at all cause eventually she would become part of the "cold ground." Her house was about 80 in the winter. Gee, I wonder why I can't stand being cold!
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Oddly enough, she talked a lot about dying even from the time I was a child but I never thought to ask her what to do with her ashes. She always thought she was gonna die way sooner than my grandpa and he'd put them in the attic.

What about having them placed in a vault? I know they have special places for that at many cemetaries. I am sure your grandma would be fine with whatever you decide to do, surely she wouldn't want to be a burden to you now.