Wow... this is crazy.... I hope you can figure out a way to help this poor little girl out....

I think that the issue is here is not your step daugher, but your MIL. You and your DH need to get together on this, and he needs to set some boundaries down with her. He left his mother and married YOU, so she needs to back off and let you and him be parents together without her control-freak issues.

I wasn't gonna say anything-- cause I'm the odd man out here. If it were me, I'd stay out of it unless I was asked.

If she's living in your house full time and you're her "mother" (except for the biology part) than that's different. As the stepmother you are just going to seem catty even though you're not. Otherwise it's really up to dh to decide how he and mil will raise her. You can be there to help if they decide to intervene. I would, however, have a little sit-down with my dh about the child you have together. Obviously his ideas about child-rearing are different from yours and I'd want him knowing up front that no kid of yours will be sucking a binky at the ripe old age of 12. JMHO

yeah - the issue is less the DSD and way WAY more of the MIL.
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I would do the passive sit-down talk with DSD, then if it gets back to you and MIL start in with the pissed off attitude, I'd spit back at her
"you need to catch a clue. No matter how much you think you love her - you aren't doing right by her and aren't SHOWING that love if you allow a paci at this age and delude her into thinking that her weight problems are NOT an issue. If this continues and you don't start getting on board with a solid plan and working WITH her and all the other adults in her life, then there will be serious consequences to pay. Consequences for you AND for her. I have already started looking into having all contact from you removed because her wellbeing is being compromised in a seriously heinous manner and I will NOT sit idolly by and let her continue down this horrible path of destruction. So you either start working WITH me and deal with the very obvious problem that you are pretending doesn't exist - or you will be removed from the picture alltogether. Don't think that any judge will side with you on this matter - historic court cases in other similar situations have all ended up exactly how I want. Got it?"

and if she starts to balk - say "ah... pack your bags... we're going on a guilt trip! It doesn't matter what biology says. You're either going to fight for the welfare of this girl, or you're going to get out of the way. What's it going to be?"

You've got a lot of good helpful ideas here. I think it's a matter of deciding on your part do you want to whole - heartedly help this girl or aren't you ready yet. This will involve a lot of hard work & probably pissing people off but somebody needs to fight for her health.