I just got back from Kim's P/T conference and I am trying to decide what to do.
Kim is in 1st grade. She's always had a few behavioral issues at school: usually being a little bossy, noisy and distracting during class, but all her previous teachers have assured me it's not really out of the ordinary for a child her age.
This year, her teacher was on maternity leave the first 3 weeks of school. It started off on a bad foot with me because she didn't bother to show up for either meet the teacher or back to school nights though she prepaired materials for the sub to give us. (Which by the way had some obvious misspellings, like the words FRIST GRADE in Bold Capital letters
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Then I knew Kimmie didn't like her teacher very much because of some of the things she has said, but I kind of blew it off because Kimmie isn't fond of change and she had gotten used to the sub. We had an issue where Kim came home with a 30% on a spelling test and I about blew a gasket, but after working with her for a few minutes realized that the problem was she was having to make 2 columns on her paper and was putting the numbers for the second on the far right of the paper, and so she was writing the words backwards so the first letter was against the number. I am wondering why the teacher never addressed it in class. Once I taught her to write the numbers for the second column down the middle of the page, she's had no problem and made 100% on her last 3 tests. I have also noticed though that the teacher is inconsistant in her grading practices. Sometimes she grades off for a backwards letter and sometimes she doesn't ect. So maybe I went into this meeting a little predjudiced, but this teacher really rubbed me the wrong way.
It was supposed to be a 15 minute meeting and ended up lasting 30. She immediately launched into how Kim is having trouble keeping up with the kindergarten review and they are getting ready to start the much harder 1st grade curriculum. Except that Kimmie is testing really high on all of her assessment tests and most of her homework, with the exception of the one spelling test have all been good grades. Really the only examples she gave me are bahavioral issues, not learning issues. But she made it sound like Kimmie is in jeopardy of failing 1st grade!
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The thing that really got to me though was that she said when Kimmie gets disruptive in class she tells her that if she keeps it up, she'll lose all her friends!
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I think that is about the cruelest thing you can say to a child! She also hinted during the meeting that she is really big on idle threats. (she threatens teh kids with detention and when I got concerned about the ramifications with a babysitter and she admitted that she never actually gives detention, just threatens)
I feel like she is trying to scare us into dealing with the behavioral issues which I agree need to be addressed, and they will be,but I do not like the scare tactics. But I am also really upset that we are 9 weeks into the school year and this is the first time she has even bothered to communicate that there is a problem. She even went so far as to say that the origional sub though Kim should be on Ridalin
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Since Dh is a teacher too, I talked to him about everything that was said because they don't provisions for teachers to be able to attend thier own kids P/T conferences and he thinks we aught to talk to the principal and possible see if we can get her switched into another class.
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The only problems with that scenerio is that I would have to get the ex on board with that, and I couldn't get a good read on his reaction at the meeting, and I don't really want to make too big of waves for Kim in 1st grade that will follow her up since we live right across the street from the school and pulling her out to go somewhere else is not really an option.
WWYD? Am I over reacting?

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I would not be very fond of this teacher either! She has divulged some questionable ethics and doesn't seem willing to focus on solutions and partnering with you, only problems for YOU to handle.

Can you set up a joint meeting with the principal/vice-principal/guidance counselor, whoever, to discuss your concerns and find a way to focus on Kimmie's strengths rather than her perceived deficits? This teacher is totally setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying Kimmie's in danger of failing and dropping Ritalin recommendations (shameless!!). In her mind, those are excuses for not stretching herself and being flexible/creative to meet Kimmie's (or any other child's) needs, and if Kimmie doesn't do well this year, she won't take much reponsibility because "she warned you." I probably sound harsh, but as an educator myself, I see and hear about these things all the time and it makes me so angry!

Good luck, and I hope you get the support you need.
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I would be irritated too. The obvious misspellings would bother me too. When I first read about Kimmie's "behavior issues" I giggled a little-- she's a girl and in the first grade! I don't think her "issues" are abnormal at all. I do, however, understand why she might tell her, "if you continue to be bossy with your friends, they won't want to play with you anymore." JMO
As far as not showing up to meet the teacher night-- it's not something that the teachers on leave normally do. As a matter of fact, if you're on sick leave (not FMLA) sometimes you're not even allowed to go show up at the school. The thinking being... if you're well enough to make it up to the school for social reasons, then you should be back at school.

If it were me, if I had to take off of work 1/2 day, or a whole day or 2 half days or whatever, I'd be in that classroom, seeing what was what. She'll be on her best behavior with Kimmie, but you'll be able to see the vibe in the class and how the teacher acts with the other kids. A truly bad teacher won't be capable of putting on the "dog and pony show" as we call it. You'll know. After a few different observations you'll be able to tell what to do, esp if your dh goes too since he's a teacher.

I wouldn't switch her just yet though-- I think that'll send the wrong message to your daughter. I'm kinda surprised your dh would suggest that so quickly. Does he know the lady personally and think she's bad?

Now that I've kind of shared the possibilities from the other side, I think her behavior is completely inexcusable!!!!!! She should be calling you/sending you notes etc if there were issues that she was that concerned over. Mentioning ritalin is disgusting-- esp since she never even asked if she had a diagnosis or anything. Idle threats-- that's part of the problem. How will Kimmie take her seriously??? She pretty much admits she's a joke (the teacher). I am more of a letter-writer than a "meeter" because I can think things out beforehand and say exactly what I need to say.
SO if it were me... (and you could do all this in a meeting)
I would write a letter saying "I'm confused about..."
-What are the classroom rules and what are the consequences for breaking them? From your meeting you understand she likes to threaten, but Kimmie responds best to clear rules and consistent consequences. If she's not going to do that at school, then you'll do it at home as best you can.
-Does she have some kind of behavior management plan? You must have missed it in the beginning of the year paperwork (haha). How is she keeping track of behvior issues? (SHE SHOULD BE TELLING YOU AT LEAST WEEKLY-- I DO IT DAILY)
- Where is Kimmie struggling academically? She mentioned it at conferences but you have yet to see any poor papers except the one spelling test? Is kimmie hiding papers from you? (this way it doesn't put it all on the teacher)
I would end with--- I want Kimmie to have a good year and we need to get on the same page so that she knows what's expected of her and where to improve. Say you don't want her thinking she's a bad girl and you want her to continue to enjoy school like she did last year. You can cc it to the principal.

If it were me I would suggest a color chart-- green for good day, yellow for ok, blue for pretty bed, and red for terrible. Kimmie could color the square for the day (it's a calendar) and the teacher could write the rule #she broke in the square if she's on yellow, blue, or red. Then you know every day and could follow up at home. It would take her 10 seconds. I know because I do it with every kid every day. And I'm not gettin teacher of the year for it anytime soon.
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Just my honest long a$$ opinion. Do with it as you please.
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I don't know about Janine but I like your long a$$ opinion.
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(and I giggled a bit because what Janine's DH said about switching classes is exactly what my DH would say.
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Thanks ladies! I knew there were several teachers on here who would give good advice.

I think Dh jumped on the changing teachers thing so quickly because it was something we discussed at the begining of the year. We were really hoping she would get into certain teachers class because she knows Kimmie well and also has a reputation for dealing well with "problem" children. I talked to several parents who's kids have had this teacher and they all loved her. I don't know if she is have sleep depervation issues because of the newborn that is affecting her objectivity or what. I've had some serious conferences before for behavioral issues, much worse than what this woman says has been happening so far, and I have never had a teacher paint such an ugly picture.
The fact is, I was a gifted student and was very bored in class. I hated doing busy work and having to keep a slow pace for the slower students and I have a feeling Kimmie is experiencing the same thing. The teacher did tell me the testing for the gifted program will be in the spring. I'm just concerned that this teachers predjudice against the behavioral problems could block her ability to get into the program.