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hopeful7 10-20-08 05:03 PM

Needing to vent
 
I feel like I just need to vent a little...I'm hoping it will help me feel better. Why does it seem all those around me just decide they want to have a baby and poof they're pregnant? Or even for the fact why do those that don't want a baby get pregnant? Or those that shouldn't become a parent? We've been married 2 1/2 years and have been trying for the last 16 months and still nothing. I'm currently 6 days from testing but not counting on much mainly because I'm so used to seeing a BFN. I feel that dh & I would both be wonderful parents and we can't even get pregnant. Then you've got all those that can't hardly take care of themselves and they have 10 kids. Agh...just please let me get pregnant. I just long to know how it feels to be a mommy and all the things that go along with it. The first kicks, the first cry, the first steps. I wonder if I'll ever know. It's gotten so hard to even watch tv or a movie with kids in it because I see the kids and wonder if I'll ever have that chance to feel what they're feeling. What makes it even worse is I'm a pediatric & mother/baby nurse so not a day of work goes by without me taking care of someone elses kid. I get to see mother's give birth to their first child and realize that I might never be there. I don't think I've wanted something this bad...and what makes it worse is I can't control it.

saffy 10-20-08 06:03 PM

:bighug:
Stephanie I am so sorry you have to feel this way! I wish there was something I could really do or say. I am praying that this is your turn. You will make a great mommy!

Keepers 10-20-08 06:25 PM

Gosh your vent made me sob!:cry: If anyone one gets pregnant this month I do hope it is you! I do feel selfish some months because I do have two beautiful boys that I am so lucky to have. I could not imagine not knowing if I would ever become a mommy. It is the best feeling in the world and I think every deserving woman should get the chance to experience it. I just hope this is your month. You deserve this. :hugsad:

countrycutieluv 10-20-08 07:08 PM

I'm sorry Stephanie! I really wish I could do something to change it.I sometimes feel selfish myself whining and complaining about TTC when I have two wonderful (troublesome at times) children.In the same breath,I haven't wanted anything more either. I agree with LeAnn e if anybody gets that BFP it has got to be you!
:bighug:
My cousin is one that shouldn't have children.I think every time I pick those baby's up,some one who can give them a stable home and "appreciate" them deserves them! Don't get me wrong she loves them and takes care of them,but can't "give"them what they need.I know that may sound horrible but its how I feel deep down.
I just pray you will be surprised with a BFP in 5 days!

3Princes 10-20-08 10:23 PM

:hugsad:
I hope you get your :bfp: this time around too. I feel guilty too sometimes-- I told my friend IRL who is ttc #1 that I feel like a fat girl at the buffet, gorging myself on more food while there are starving people at the end just dying for something to eat. I have 2 beautiful boys and I have the nerve to wish for another???

I remember being in your shoes. There's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I can tell you this. However your miracle comes along, whenever, and through whatever method, you will never be able to imagine it happening any other way than the way it does. You'll realize that if you'd gotten pg any other month that *this child* would not be in your arms. I think about all the bfn's and I think about the time when we thought we would be able to adopt our 2 foster daughters. Had we adopted them, Matthew would never have come along.

Some people get pg and never look back. Their infertility is a distant memory. Me... not so much. I wear it like a badge of honor. When people say how beautiful my kids are, if I can work it into the conversation how hard I worked for them, I do it. However, I can tell you that once your baby is in your arms, the pain you've suffered is nothing. It's what you had to go through to get the baby and it's instantly healed... or at least it was for me.

Good luck and I hope you're experiencing pregnancy very soon. :bighug:


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