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Old 10-19-04, 01:23 AM
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Default Don't wanna go to school...

I Don’t want to go to School
It was the first day of school and Johnny put down his lunch and went back to his Mom in the kitchen.

“Mommy, I don’t want to go to school” he said. “All the big kids pick on me and bother me.

“But you have to go, “said his mother.

“I hate it”, Johnny continued. “My name is written all over the bathroom wall and all the kids talk behind my back."

"Johnny, it’s not really that bad, jus go,” Said his frustrated mother.

”It’s not fair. School is supposed to be fun, but the other kids keep torturing me.”

“Johnny, Enough is enough. You have to go. You are the principal”
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Old 10-19-04, 01:24 AM
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Default Philosophy of Housecleaning...

PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING

Someone sent this in one of my other groups and i HAD to share


1. I don't do windows because... I love birds and don't want one to
run into a clean window and
get hurt. (I am compassionate.)

2. I don't wax floors because... I am terrified a guest will slip,
hurt themselves,
I'll feel terrible and they may sue me. (I am careful and poor.)

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because...they are very good
company. I have named some of
them, and they agree with everything I say. (I am imaginative.)

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because... I want every creature to have
a home of their own and my
family loves spiders. (I am kind.)

5. I don't Spring Clean because... I love all the seasons and don't
want the others to get
jealous. (I am fair-minded.)

6. I don't plant a garden because... I don't want to get in God's
way, He is an excellent
designer. (I am courteous.)

7. I don't put things away because... my family will never be able
to find them again. (I am considerate.)

8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't
want my guests to stress out
over what to make when they invite me over to dinner.

9. I don't iron because... I choose to believe them when they
say "permanent press". (I am trusting.)

10. I don't stress much on anything because.. "A-Type Personalities"
die young and I want
to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty old woman!!!
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Old 10-19-04, 01:25 AM
bjlmom's Avatar
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Default Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a
social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go
everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into
their apartment or come out. Do you think they could
be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and
violence on my VCR?



Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats
so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is
his.



Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive,
and I think my boyfriend should share half
the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
money with him.



Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around,
and when confronted him with the evidence he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.



Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy
who was raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now,
how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a
psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half
years. He must be crazy.



Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months, and I didn't
know he drank until one night he came home sober.



Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor
a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and
couldn't, and he did it.



Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is
going through her mental pause.



Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all
interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my
husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a
doctor.
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Old 10-19-04, 01:25 AM
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Default Stuffed turkey (mild adult language)

When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for people, like me,
who
>just are not sure how to tell when poultry is cooked thoroughly but
not
>dried out. Give this a try.
>
>BAKED STUFFED TURKEY
>10- 12 LB. TURKEY
>1 cup melted butter
>1 cup stuffing
>1 cup uncooked popcorn
>salt/pepper to taste
>
>Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush TURKEY well with melted butter,
salt and
>pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan
with the
>neck end toward the back of the oven.
>
>Listen for popping sounds. When the TURKEYS ass blows the oven door
open
>and
>the TURKEY flies across the room, it is done.
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Old 10-19-04, 01:26 AM
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Default Letter from Grandma

Subject: A Letter from Grandma


Keeping in mind that she is 88 years old and still drives her own car, she
writes to her friend:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Alice,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk
if
You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my
bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did. What an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had
changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go!
Go!
Go! Jesus Christ, Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving
and
smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to
share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a "sunny beach." I saw another guy waving in a
funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my
teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was
probably
a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from
Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.
My
grandson burst out laughing.....why, even he was enjoying this religious
experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the
moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I
bet
they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I
noticed the light had changed, so I waved at all my brothers and sisters
grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only
car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and
felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had
shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!!

Will write again soon.

Love,

Mabel
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