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Old 10-19-04, 01:49 AM
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Default Good, Bad, Ugly (A/C)

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
> > Bad: It's triplets.
> > Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
> >
> > 2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
> > Bad: She wants a divorce.
> > Ugly: She's a lawyer.
> >
> > 3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
> > Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
> > Ugly: So are you.
> >
> > 4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
> > Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
> > Ugly: You're in them.
> >
> > 5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
> > Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
> > Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.
> >
> > 6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
> > Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
> > Ugly: He looks better than you.
> >
> > 7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
> > Bad: She keeps interrupting.
> > Ugly: With corrections.
> >
> > 8. Good: The postman is early.
> > Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
> > Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
> >
> > 9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
> > Bad: It's another man.
> > Ugly: He's your best friend.
> >
> > 10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
> > Bad: As a hooker.
> > Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
> > Way ugly: She makes more money than you do
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Old 10-19-04, 01:50 AM
bjlmom's Avatar
B.A.G. Mommy!!!
 
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Default Bill Gates vs. GM

Bill Gates vs GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection
for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates portedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM
had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all
be
driving $25.00 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would
all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have
to buy a new car. >>>
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of
the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation" warning light.

***This next one is my personal favorite**
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate -
their computer!
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Old 10-21-04, 11:06 AM
cat's Avatar
cat cat is offline
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Very cute!
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Old 10-21-04, 03:54 PM
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These are great!!
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Old 10-21-04, 03:55 PM
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OMGosh!!!!!!!!
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