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Old 10-16-11, 07:44 PM
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Well ladies, today was the day of reckoning with my dad and the football game, and it did not go well.
He has been saying for 3 weeks that he was coming to the game today. Then Friday night, I msg'ed him and asked him if he was still coming. He told me that he was flying home from vacation, and would "possibly try to make it." He added that if they overbook the flight and offer a "bump" for free tickets, he was going to TAKE IT and wouldn't be coming. (Mind you, he hasn't seen the kids in 3 years, and he's gonna take a bump?)

Last night I msg'ed him again, and asked him if he was coming, told him I'd text him if the game was cancelled or delayed. Of course, he didn't get back to me, so I didn't know if he was coming or not. So, I told Josh the truth--- that he had been invited to his games all along, and had said he was coming, but probably wouldn't. Josh cried and cried. I told him we'd have a signal, if he was there, I'd nod and point, and if he wasn't, I'd make a sign and shake my head. He was totally off-focus and scanning the sidelines the whole time. The game was from 11-12 (and my dad knows that) and at 11:59 he fb msg'ed me this:

Up not feeling well in the middle of the night (ohio weather) went back to bed and got up too late . Texting or messaging are both fine, but texting I will read soone. Lots of crap on FB so I don't treat messages seriously.

Thank goodness I had scheduled a fun day at the bounce place for right after the game because I kind of knew this would happen. Let me tell you, watching your kid go through exactly what you went through as a child brings up a lot of stuff!! I tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal either, thinking he would be fine with it. He's way too much like me, too, because he said, "I never knew he didn't come to every game." So anyway, I know we had our doubts, and unfortunately they came true.
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Old 10-16-11, 09:32 PM
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That is horrible, Jeanne. I am so sorry you have to go through this all over again, and that you have to see your son go through it too. I was hopeful that he would do the right thing this time around.
to you and your family now!
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Thank you teddybear1082!
3Princes (10-16-11)
 
Old 10-16-11, 09:37 PM
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I'm so sorry Jeanne! I totally feel your pain. In the end, for us, it has been easier on all of our hearts for DH and my parents to be out of the picture completely. Any attempts at contact have just been met with heartbreak for us.

I think you did the right thing by giving him a chance and also for doing what Josh asked and wanted. It let him know that this isn't and wasn't YOUR doing. That maybe you just didn't like him, etc...

They always say you never regret the things you try for but regret the things you don't try. I think that is the case with family relations, but only to a point. At a certain point you have to protect your heart from the inevitable. People do change, but he (at this point) would have to prove that he has changed in a BIG and grand way.

I know with DH's family they act like everything is fine and that we are just crazy misinterpreting the situation. Like you said, when someone doesn't see your kids (their grandchildren) in YEARS that is a problem on their end. Nothing is more important than family. If someone doesn't feel that way, then maybe they aren't the kind of family you (or Josh) needs!

So glad you made the best of an awful situation for all of you. I hope both of your hearts heal from this wounding. It just stinks!
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Thank you Patience!
3Princes (10-16-11)
 
Old 10-16-11, 10:25 PM
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I asked Josh if I should keep trying to invite him to things or just let it go, and he said "just let it go." It was so sad-- he tried not to cry in front of me and then just went up into his bed and cried. He said, "I just wanted him to see me. I just wanted him to know me."
The thing is, if the only problem was that he slept in, why not offer to throw the football around later, ask him to come over to watch a game on tv, ask me to let him know when basketball games are?? Josh could probably ride his bike over to his house from here (not that I would actually let him at this age, but he really could), so if he wanted to see him, he could have made an effort.
I know I need to just let it go. Part of me wants to send a nasty message telling him exactly what I think, but then that would be giving him what he wants. I really think that he wants a good "reason" to say "screw you" but I really have never given him one. Then he would be comfy with himself and how he has treated me.
My bff pointed out that I have spent my whole life trying to get his approval, and I don't want Josh doing the same thing. So now it just has to be done with.
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Old 10-16-11, 10:29 PM
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Sorry, I'm just emoting here- but I think being a parent makes it worse, because I know how I feel about my children. I can't imagine going for years without knowing one of them is ok. I can't imagine taking one of them on vacation without inviting the other, holidays, etc. Thinking back on some of the things that happened to me as a kid, I can't imagine putting a CHILD through that on purpose, just to get to another adult.
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