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Old 10-04-04, 04:11 PM
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We had no choice since dh was born with a genetic condition called Klinefelters' Syndrome which renders him sterile completey. It was our only option for me to carry a child. It was actually dh's suggestion - I was the leery one. I never imagined carrying another mans' child...when I married my hubby I WANTED my hubby's child! It took awhile for me to accept this was something that would simply NEVER happen...Our son is the light of our lives and both "our" child...would not trade our decion for anything....
 

Last edited by Moy; 10-04-04 at 04:13 PM.
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Old 10-04-04, 05:25 PM
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My DH was the leery one. It was financial for me. Less expensive than adoption. DH took almost 2 years to finally decide to do it. He was nervous about it til the day Taylor was born. Unsure if he could love her knowing she wasn't biological his.
At her birth, the nurses doing their things to her and she was screaming bloody murder. I prodded him over to the exam table and he started talking to her and she quieted instantly. She's been his whole world since.

Now he just have "baby #2" nerves.
 
We are able to use the same donor with this round.
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Old 10-04-04, 06:43 PM
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I am very similar to Moy--I married my husband with the expectations of having our children together. I never once thought of infertility. H*ll, I knew absolutely nothing about it. Didn't know anyone suffering through it. I now realize a lot of people do suffer through it, they just keep it quiet. When we found out my dh had very few sperm, and the ones he had were malformed, we could either adopt, try IVF ICSI or donor sperm. When my dr. mentioned donor sperm, I had never really heard about it and I was SURE it wasn't an option. We decided on donor sperm after months and months of talking, crying, discussing with family/friends. My dh was actually very willing long before I was. I felt weird, strange, and different. We did a lot of reading and soul searching and I am currently 18w pregnant and I wouldn't change anything. Sure there are days when I get a little sad, or unsure, but for the 99% of the other days, I am thrilled beyond belief. This whole experience, as hard as it has been, has brought my dh and I so close. It helps too that our families are SO supportive. I wish you luck and time in your decision, it's not easy.

Sarah
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Old 10-04-04, 09:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baby hungry
thanks ladies. I guess I'm asking not why for medical reasons you used donor sperm, but how you decided it was something you were comfortable with.
I can expand my answer! Like I said, it took me a long time to decide to go ahead with it. We learned about the azoospermia in 1995 or so and started looking into our options- adoption or sperm donor. At that time I was like NO WAY am I using a donor for sperm. I took it as a sign from God (and I am NOT religious at all) that I was not supposed to have a child if we had to do anything more than the majority of the free world does to conceive.

DH was convinced that I would forever resent him if we didn't at least attempt to get pregnant- he thought I'd resent not getting to experience pregnancy and childbirth. So, after going back and forth on this we decided to put it on hold while I finished out my Bachelor's degree. During this time, I did a great deal of soul searching to decide if I REALLY wanted to be a parent or if I did because it was a societal expectation for women. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I DID want to be a mother and I DID want to carry my child in my body and give birth to him or her.

I graduated in late 2000 and within a year we were all set with a referral for a fertility GYN to work with us. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how I look at it!) I had a bit of a mental melt down and realized I still had some work to do regarding my parent's parenting of me...fears that I would be a crappy mother like my own and would repeat patterns. So, we took yet another break.

A few months after this break started, I learned that my mother had terminal lung cancer! I was fortunate enough to spend lots of time with her during that last year and did a great deal of healing around concerns of parenting ability. I remember telling her that we were going to try to have a baby and she was actually giddy with excitement for us!!! (A first for my mother- to be excited about anything going on with my life.) After she died and life got somewhat back to normal I knew that I was finally ready to go ahead.

By this time, I had kind of pushed aside the donor issue, knowing that if I wanted to carry a baby...I had to use donor sperm. Sometimes I get weirded out by it and I worry a bit that the vial will have the wrong donors sperm and we'll end up with olive complexioned brown eyed baby (we're both VERY pale and blue eyed!)

Are you sorry you asked? It is different for everyone. I have seen posts from women who decide on donor sperm just months after learning that's an option. I am much more of an analyzer!
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Old 10-05-04, 06:26 PM
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My story seems quite similar to some of the others. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and almost 4 years ago we decided to start TTC. After a year of BFNs we were both tested and found out he has azoospermia. We were devastated for months. Our doctor recommended looking into donor sperm, which we had never even thought would be in our vocabulary. After months of consideration and looking at profiles, and more testing, we decided on one. We had one IUI cycle - BFN. The next month we were half-way to the clinic (2 hour drive) when they called on the cell to say they didn't have any samples of our donor- they'd made a mistake. Things just felt wrong, so we took a few more months off. We then tried using a known donor, but we did that for 1 year, and still nothing. There may also be something wrong with me, but I don't know. So now we are back to using an unknown donor. We have chosen someone else this time, and feel much better about the whole situation. I just don't think I was ready emotionally the first time. Like some of the other DHs, mine was much more willing to try than I was. He just wants a baby no matter what. We have considered adoption, although we have not done the paper work. We were told it is approximately an eight year wait to adopt a newborn here.
It's too late to make a long story short - sorry. I haven't had success yet, but from what I hear, once the baby arrives, it doesn't really matter how he/she got into your womb. They seem to be loved unconditionally once they are in your arms. I, too, wondered if I just wasn't suppose to have a baby. I still wonder that, but if I do get pregnant, then I figure the Big Guy up there must want me to have it, just in a different way to get it.
Best of luck to you.
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