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Old 10-05-04, 09:21 PM
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My DH had a vasectomy during his former marriage. Before we got married we decided to try a reversal and see what happened. Well, the reversal didn't exactly fail, but DH's sperm count and motility are too low for me to get pregnant. We've tried for the last four years, both naturally and using IUI. We only recently decided to try DIUI - this upcoming cycle will be our first attempt - and to be honest DH is still a little uncomfortable with it. Like someone else mentioned, his fear is that he won't be able to love the child as if it was genetically his. And having another child for him is a big step too, since he is older than I am and has three kids already. But he understands my desire to experience giving birth and to have a child (I only want one - just one!!!), and is very supportive. We both had a parent who died of cancer when we were in our early twenties, and feel that we must live life to its fullest because you never know what the future may bring.

Anyway, our doctor continues to recommend IVF with ICSI, but I'm not thrilled with the idea of taking fertility drugs. My dad died of lung cancer, my mom's had breast cancer twice, and on top of that I'm a DES daughter - it just frightens me. Add to that the tremendous cost of the procedure (which might not even work!) and for me that tips the scale to DIUI. It was hard for me at first to accept the fact that I wouldn't be having my husband's genetic offspring. And I sometimes worry that I'm being neurotic about the drugs, or worse that I'm being cheap - our doctor has told us to think of IVF as no worse than the expense of a new car, which still ticks me off. But that's her opinion and not mine, and after all she has the salary of a doctor while DH and I are artists - new cars are just not part of our game plan. In the end it seems to me that a child is a child, and what is important is that it be wanted and loved. DIUI just seems like a humane and natural choice. If it doesn't work I will probably not have a child. And if it doesn't work soon then I'll be too old to have a child, LOL! That's our story, more or less.
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Old 10-06-04, 07:55 AM
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Hi there,

After 1.5 years trying we sought help from a doctor who quickly diagnosed my dh with very low sperm count, motility, morphology and high FSH Primary Testicular failure was our diagnosis with no idea why or how just some tough decisions to make. We had to chose between Donor IUI and ivf/icsi and we made our choice based on many factors. Basically we chose donor IUI as our route to go I will list my reasons truthfully and fully but they are not reasons that should stop others from chosing icsi our decision was unique to us.

1) We are in UK no such thing as medical insurance get free treatment on NHS but because free for all are long waiting lists. The wait for ICSI was 2-3 years and for DIUI only 4 months we did not want to wait just wanted to be parents.

2) Get 15 Donor IUI then 3 IVF if DIUI doesnt work but if go straight to ICSI then get 3 icsi thats it all over cant move to DIUI then.

3) We read a lot of info on ICSI and the data showed an increase in misscarrige rate (they think due to bad sperm making embryo and embryo not growing properly) we could not imagine going thro a m/c after trying so hard to get pregnant and the heartbreak of that.

4) Data showed a very sligh increase in sex chromosome abnormalities and other abnormalities (again due to bad sperm they think) also as they dont know why dh infertile if we have a boy may be passed to them and them be infertile to. We could picture and feel comfortable telling child we used a donor but not that they cant have children because of a treatment we had and they now have to go thro the hell we are I wouldnt put my worst enemy thro this never mind my darling child.

5) Husband has many serious genetic illnesses in his close family, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and a deafness gene that could make them partially deaf my husband has this and wears a hearing aid. dh was terribly bullied in school and still suffers from hearing loss and its problems he did not want his children to suffer this. We felt dh diagnosis was kind of telling us this was an oppertunity to put an end to this and make a healthier choice for our child. dh said once you have a child you would die to protect them and so this is what he was doing to protect our child choosing a better treatment for their health.

6) My husband lost his 1st finacee to cancer at 21 and was terrified of putting me thro the risks of the IVF drugs (even tho it is so tiny) so he wanted to go the DIUI route. That said we are now moving to using these very medications for medicated DIUI cycles dh has calmed down a bit now he knows more and the doses are much smaller for DIUI.


Overall we decided DIUI was for us we may have chosen icsi and taken the slight m/c and abnormalities risk if no other factors were important but they were. We are very happy with our decision because we feel it is "right" for us.

That said we really grieved the loss of dh biological child and the pain was awful I saw my children in my dh eyes when I met him and had to grieve the loss of that. Our 1st DIUI was hard and sad and exciting at the same time it was the final link in the end of my dh dream to have a child but also the start of the exciting possibility of becoming parents something by that time we had been striving 3.5 years for. If we are lucky enough for this to work we will be very open with our children and I will tell them how proud they should be of their daddy for giving up his dreams and biological link to his children so they can live a healthy life. We are lucky our families are very very supportive and I will love my dh and our families for ever for the way they have been thro this.

Ruthx
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Old 10-14-04, 06:07 PM
is hoping for good news soon!
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Thank you ladies for sharing your personal situations with me. It's nice to know you can talk to people who understand and can give feedback. This will help us with our decision. I really do appreciate it.

Susanne
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