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Second thoughts (warning - depressing)

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Old 10-14-04, 06:33 PM
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Unhappy Second thoughts (warning - depressing)

Since last night I've been starting to wonder if me being pg really isn't meant to be after all. Looking at all the bad luck and seemingly constant obstacles thrown in my way (the latest being a jury duty summons for the month I'm supposed to cycle), and reading about my friends here who have had perfect cycles go wrong, I wonder if God and the universe haven't been screaming at me and I have just refused to listen. My worst fear, other than a bfn on our one and only try, is to have a child with a serious birth defect or illness - not that I wouldn't love that child just as much, but it would be heartbreaking. We all want healthy children, especially after the hell we have been through to finally have one. That probably sounds awful and selfish, but it's something I worry about sometimes.

The unused $ at the RE's office would be a nice down payment on an adoption. I just feel so tired and confused - I really want to be pg, but I just can't believe that it will ever happen.
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Old 10-14-04, 08:18 PM
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Hang in there. This is definately a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It is hard spending the money we do on this stuff and not have a guarantee of getting pregnant. Our last cycle was a BFN. We are trying one last time now, but then we will have to quit for awhile to attempt to repay some of our debt. Best of luck to you with which ever you decide to do. I wish I could give you the right answer.
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Old 10-14-04, 09:01 PM
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So many of us know where you're coming from. Sometimes everything snowballs and we get down. Your reaction and thinking is so normal. I also think that waiting for AF to show is adding to your emotions right now.

If anyone was ever meant to be a mother, it's you. I know that in my gut.


 
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Old 10-15-04, 01:50 AM
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I understand your frustration. I've doubted my decision several times to do a second ivf cycle, but I decided it's right for us. Maybe your just frustrated and fearful of the unknown. If your anything like me you'll change your mind many times before your certain. It's okay to have doubts because it's a big emotional and financial decision. I know you'll make the best decision for you and your husband.
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Old 10-15-04, 08:54 AM
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Babydoll i just noticed your signature, you've been thru a lot. No wonder you are feeling tired and confused, my goodness youve had a lot of losses. I've had a few too and i thought like you, i never believed it was possible i was too scared too, even when i was pregnant i constantly expected something to go wrong and like you worry about a child that was not normal, i mean havent we been thru enough already. All i can say is the heartache and pain is worth it in the end so just keep pushing yourself even though its hard. Keep your eye on the prize and don't let go.
Hang in there mate.
JB
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