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Old 10-14-04, 05:42 PM
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Last night my sweet hubby and I had a chat about donor sperm. I told him my greatest fear was that I would get pg, and he wouldn't view the baby has his child. I told him I worried he would always look at our child and think less of himself as a man. He said "ya" in a soft quiet sad voice, and quickly changed the topic. I'm sure many of you experienced the same thoughts and emotions. This is so hard.
 

Last edited by baby hungry; 10-14-04 at 06:09 PM.
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Old 10-14-04, 06:01 PM
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Susanne, this was a hard decision for my DH & I also. When it came down to it, he told me that an adopted child wouldn't be "his" either & at least if we used donor sperm the baby would be at least 1/2 "ours", meaning at least it would still have my egg. He decided that he preferred the donor route. I had many of the same concerns that you mentioned, but after thinking about it, he decided these weren't as much of an issue for him as I thought they would be. He also said that if we go the donor sperm route, he will have 9 months to grow to love the baby before it is even born...that's time you don't have if you adopt. Just some food for thought. You really must do what you both agree is right...it's not a quick or easy decision for most of us.
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Old 10-14-04, 06:09 PM
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It can take some getting used to the idea of using a donor for sure. In our case it was I who struggled with it and DH never waivered. I can tell you that once you have your child however he/she may come in to your life they will be YOURS!

 
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Old 10-14-04, 06:14 PM
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My DH had those same fears. See if your donor bank does photo matching. Ours did (Cryobiology). We sent photos of both of us and they gave us a list of donors arranged from 1 to 10 with 1 being the closest match to coloring/build/features.. It made chosing a donor so much easier (than picking one from a list of 100s.) and it helped reassure DH that we weren't get a strange match. He wasn't completely reassured thru the pregnancy (those demons are hard to keep quient)
but as soon as DD came out, he was hooked. She even looks like him, some say.
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Old 10-14-04, 06:45 PM
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Making the decision to use donor sperm is a huge one for most people. I am always surprised when I read about somone who decides in just a few months time that DI was the route for them. It took me and my dh years to decide to go forward with it. Once we made the decision, neither of us has concerns about whether or not the child will be DH's.

Having said that, DH has never wanted anything to do with the selection of the sperm. He leaves that up to me because he can't bear to read the write ups about the men.

Another area of concern is the response from others. DH and I lan to tell our child about DI and have shared with a few people already, including his mother. Well, I THOUGHT she was okay with our choice. But, when DH told her I had an early miscarriage in August...her response was, "well, it wasn't your child anyway." So, you have to be prepared to deal with a variety of responses from people...if you decide to tell others about it.
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