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34 and pregnant, but recently broke off relationship..just could use a little support!

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Old 01-05-09, 11:46 PM
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Unhappy 34 and pregnant, but recently broke off relationship..just could use a little support!

I had the best boyfriend imaginable. We were in a relationship for a little over three years. Three months ago we broke up and moved out of our house, yet we've still been seeing each other quite often, between once a week to every other day depending on the week... and doing all of the things we'd always done.... We talk every day, and when we hang up the phone we say I love you. But we are for sure broken up.

About two years to a year before we'd broken up, we had been talking about getting married and having kids and things like that. We even bought land together to build our house. We'd lived together for the entire time we'd been together. But as the economy got bad, he freaked out and just wanted to have no obligations. He's been very very depressed and having a lot of problems. But he has more integrity than anyone I've ever met. I can't say a bad thing about him. He is a little bit "in his own head" much of the time, but he is so giving and he cares deeply for those around him. He has great work ethic, is honest, and fair, and all around a great person.

Fast forward to now. I just found out that I am pregnant. I'm not sure what to do. I know he is going to be soo upset. He told me several times over the last year or so that he'd changed his mind, he never wants kids. He said he can barely take care of himself, that he doesn't like kids at all. But he plays with all of our friend kids including being the only one allowed to pick them up from school. Our one friend has two children that he babysat from when they were infants. No one else would help out, but my boyfriend. When we went to visit my family, he did summersaults in the floor for my niece for hours. He is very very good with kids. If we see a little toddler somewhere he will comment on her. Even just saying, Look at her cute little dog backpack, or something like that. When we had a bunch of people over to watch a movie and have dinner, he played with my friends 4 year old the WHOLE time playing Legos!

What do you guys think about this? I know I have to tell him. I know he'll have a bad reaction. But have you ever had any experience with this? Did anyone have someone who obviously loved you and was a great person, but was just obviously terrified about being committed and being a father? I can't imagine being a single parent, and I'm pretty sure that is what is going to happen, but I am just so hopeful that he'll not run totally away.
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Old 01-06-09, 12:51 AM
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Well, first of all congrats on your baby! Next I'd say since you know him best search your heart for the best way to break it to him. If you thought it would help ease the news you could always get him something with world's best Dad on it or something. Just find a way that will appeal to him in a way that he won't be able to react badly to.

I'd say that if you haven't already sought counseling you should both do so. If you think so highly of him, then you should do whatever you can to work things out. Never say never. Plenty of married people get divorced and then remarried again later. From what you say he probably needs counseling if not medication at least for a while to get himself straightened out.

The economy hasn't messed with just him. I'm a SAHM and my DH just got a demotion at work, $10,000 less a year. That was the day after we found out we're having twins! We all have to remember that we're where we are for a reason. We will never know why, perhaps until we're looking back at where we were.

Try to stay positive. Good luck!
 
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Old 01-06-09, 01:22 AM
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Good luck! Erin gave you great advise and I hope it all works out for the best and he steps up to the plate! Welcome to TBC!

Laura
 
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Old 01-06-09, 11:55 AM
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Congratulations! The economy has a lot of people freaked out about the future, but trust me, you will find a way to make this work either with him or without him. My own husband starting freaking out about how we were going to afford a child and then he got a paycut at work.....while I was about to have the baby! Your own guys sounds great...so great that he probably is afraid he wouldn't be able to provide for you and a family, so he just wants to avoid it all together. But he can't live his life in fear of the unknown or he'll never accomplish anything. And doesn't sound as if he has "broken up" with you at all. I hope you can find the right way to tell him your wonderful news. Good luck!
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Old 01-06-09, 07:09 PM
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Thank you so much Erin, Laura and MrsS1stbaby, I really appreciate it!

He is definitely a great guy. We broke up because the pressure of getting married or getting more serious was just too much for him. Even though all of his friends are either married, married with kids, or engaged (except for two of his friends). I believe that he wanted all of that too, but then felt like a failure and gave up. I feel like it is all because of money! So sad. But I think it will work out somehow. I mean it has too right?

I tried to find similar stories to mine online. Mostly I found terrible stories of mean and immature exboyfriends. But I couldn't find stories that were similar to mine at all. I am hoping to find some positive story where the man was just afraid and nervous, but it worked out in the end. Hopefully it isn't a fairy tale!

BTW, Erin congrats on your twins!
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Thank you firstlittlebebe!
tarziesgirl (01-07-09)
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