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Can one mentally prepare for pregnancy/parenthood prior to conception??

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Old 04-04-08, 08:25 PM
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Question Can one mentally prepare for pregnancy/parenthood prior to conception??

Greetings,

I am a brand new member to this site (as a matter of fact - this is my first time on any sort of pregnancy/parenting website). I have a question that I hope is appropriate for this board - but let me set the stage first:

My husband and I are approaching our 4 year anniversary, and he's quite anxious to start having children (in all honesty, he's been ready since the Honeymoon) - whereas I am a "baby stepper" when it comes to having children. I enjoy kids very much, but I never really thought much about them, and I certainly never saw myself really ever having one (physically. That's something I never fantasized about).

The issue/level of accountability and responsiblity concerns me! I think it's easier for a man to be excited about having children because 1.) they don't have to carry them nor experience labor, and 2.) historically, parenthood is not shared 50/50 (as I've seen and have been told by many a wife/mother). I believe my husband will be a good father, but when it comes to "the details" and everyday realities - we don't look at parenthood through the same pair of glasses. Other "unpredicatables" make me quiver as well: the depreciating state of our nation's economy (and morals), safety, healthcare... ugh - so much going on in the world today!

So my question is, "What can one do to mentally prepare for even conceiving a child, let alone pregnancy and parenthood?"

I know of a few women whose apprehensions were quite like mine who stated that having a child was the best thing that ever happened to them. I love to hear stuff like that because it gives me hope. :-) If that is you - please elobrate on how and why - because all they said was, "I can't explain it."

Thanks for your time and opinions!

Last edited by nmbull24; 04-04-08 at 08:28 PM.
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Old 04-04-08, 08:40 PM
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i have always thought of it being the other way around women yern to have children but men are more apprehensive. i have always wanted a child but never really pretended that i was pregnant. i got prego with my first when i was 18 i am now 32 and just had my second. when you do get preg for the first time you will go thru emotions you thought you would never have. but as time goes by they get better and you get more excited casue you get to feel the baby move for the first time and your hubby doesnt until you get further along of course then he will be able to. you get to experience things a man never will. and have a bond that a father never has but they have their very own bond. its hard to explain but its a wonderful experience and it saddens me that not all women get to experience it. but all your fears will disappear especially when you get to hold your bundle of joy for the first time and look in to those precious and innocent eyes and you fall in love. i say go for it and have fun trying too.....
 
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Old 04-04-08, 10:48 PM
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Welcome to tbc.

I'm not sure if there really is an answer for that. I think becoming a parent can be scary, no matter how bad you want it. There is no returns on children.

I was scared to death about the unknowns. Would they be healthy, cry, hate me? Would I not know what to do? After wanting it so bad, after it was here would I really like it?

All I can tell you is for me, being a Mom is the greatest blessing. Every day is one I am incredibly thankful for. My life is forever changed and the experiences I get to have are ones that I treasure. I can't imagine a single day without my daughter.
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Old 04-06-08, 10:13 AM
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I say one thing you can do is prepare yourself to parent. Most people plan the nursury, buy all the junk, but never give a second thought about standards they will set in raising the child. There are purposeful stuff you can do to parent a child to learn to be a productive adult. Too much of the time it is left up to chance.
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Old 04-07-08, 01:17 PM
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I would say the answer to your question is yes, but not in a way that I am able to truly explain. I certainly have had thoughts about the economy, the college campus and school shootings, the health ailments that run in my family that I may or may not pass on, whether or not I will be a good mother or if my Dh is ready to be a father. Someone once told me the reason they decided to have a child when they did was b/c they realized they were waiting until they were financially stable.....and that if she kept waiting, she would probably never be financially stable. I always get asked if I am excited and I never know what to say...of course I am. But I am also nervous and apprehensive. I actually told someone a few weeks ago that you make the decision to get pg, and then you do and it hits you that there is no turning back. This child will depend on you 24/7; so much different than my dog.

I will be 27 in May and have been married for 4.5 years. We bought our 1st house after 1 year of marriage. Then we got a dog and it was amazing to watch our love grow for an animal that we adopted as if it was our own child. We often said, "Wow, can you imagine what it must be like with a kid?" It was just something inside that gave me the courage to think that me and my husband were ready for next adventure. Over the years, we have always discussed our own childhoods and what we would do differently if we ever had kids. If you are even thinking about having children, you should discuss EVERYTHING with your partner. There so many different styles of parenting and decisions to make that if you don't discuss them now, it will cause friction in the future. (Such as: Are going to spank or use other forms of discipline? Religion? Homeschool, private school, public school? Daycare, nanny, or stay at home parent? Sports, arts, music...what's important to you?) If your apprehensive about your husband not pulling his weight when that time comes, it's something you should address now. With him and yourself; will you be prepared to shoulder the responsibility, will you be resentful to him even though you had a feeling how it would turn out, or even if you could afford help if you didn't think it would come from him? Every mother, every father, and how every couple approaches this is different. Pregnancy happens to many unexpectedly and they only have 9-10 months to think about all these things and more. But, most all of the women I have encountered wouldn't change it for the world. They all say, "Being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to them." I'll let you know in about 5 months if I will be saying the same thing. I have been lucky that my pg has been pretty easy.

Good luck with all the discussions on the road ahead!
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