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not doing well

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  • babyMarksMom babyMarksMom's Avatar 04-28-05 | 02:57 AM
  • ok...this is my journal entry from last night....

    so very angry and frustrated, why can't the doctors help Lily? why isn't she getting better?
    the doctors are not optimistic that she'll be coming home fact, they've asked us to sign a DNR ( a do not resusitate order ). they don't think that putting her back on life support is in her best interest.
    what do you do when they've given up?
    my wild crazy plan for tomorrow is to get some sleep tonight ( those little 'magic' pills ), then at the hospital,demand to hold her all day, cuddling her close to my heart against my skin...maybe, just maybe, she'll rest enough to stablize. once she's stable, I'm bringing her home.
    if it really is time for her to go, I'd much rather it be surrounded by the love of her family...not those that expected her to die. we got there this morning and told them we were taking her home..and that we expected them to do whatever they could to help us get her there. I spend most of the day just cuddling her, while dh talked, threatened, and made the necessary arrangements. Lily will receive hospice care starting home where she belongs!
    tomorrow is a new day and hopefully we'll all feel more at peace once she's back home. her poor little body is horribly bruised ( from all the bleeding ), her digestive system has shut down, so she is just getting fluids through her IV.
  • Cracker_Jac Cracker_Jac's Avatar 04-28-05 | 06:27 AM

    My heart is filled with such agony for you, Brenda. I have heard similar words, seen expressions on faces that given up while I wanted to continue to fight for my baby's life. It's such a difficult time for everyone involved, including the doctors. I truly believe that there is no worse feeling in this world, then to see a baby in pain.

    I truly wish that I could be with you at this time.

    I am at such a loss for words, but please let it be known.. I continue to pray for Lily, you and your family.
  • savannah33 savannah33's Avatar 04-28-05 | 08:46 AM
  • I have no words to express the sadness I feel for you and Lily.
    I so wish things were different.
  • Archambault7 Archambault7's Avatar 04-28-05 | 08:58 AM

    I am so sorry. I am in tears for your family. Just remember that there is an angel watching over your little one.
  • Gail S Gail S's Avatar 04-28-05 | 09:35 AM

    I'm so sorry, Brenda. Lily is in my thoughts and prayers. You're such a wonderful Mommy.