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"Come to Jesus" meeting (more of a long vent!)

"Come to Jesus" meeting (more of a long vent!)

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  • 3Princes 11-23-08 | 09:46 PM
  • Well, as an old friend used to say, I had to hold a "Come to Jesus" meeting with DH today.
    DH has said that he is done having kids, but that if that's what I want, he's behind me 100%. He says that it's not that he doesnt want another child per se, it's more that he's ready to be done with the "baby stage" and do big kid stuff with Josh and Matthew. If he were saying "I hate the idea, I would resent another child" then I would totally let go of the idea. However, he feels the need to make sh!tty comments every now and then about how we can't afford x or y because I want another baby.

    Mostly, I do what he wants. We have a discussion and I always give in because I want him to be happy. In his defense, I'm the one who gives in, and if I insisted on something he would go along with me, but I hate the idea of him being unhappy. I've decided that this time, I am going through with this. I don't want to look back and regret anything.

    So today he notifies me that we need to put insulation in the attic. He also told me that last winter, in between which time, he went half on a 2200 trailer with his father (which his father uses for work and which we use 1-2 times a year), and that, along with our new fence came out of MY national board stipend money.

    So upon him telling me about the insulation, I told him that he needed to work overtime if he wanted insulation for the attic because we can't afford it right now. He shoots back---- "Yea I forgot, because we have to spend $300 this month because YOU want another kid." (the $300 for the IUI)

    Uh...bad idea DH. I told him right then and there that he better never say anything like that to me ever again. I also notified him that the money wasn't coming out of anything HE earned, so he didn't need to worry about it. Among other things, I told him that if we needed insulation so bad that he should have told his dad NO on the trailer, shouldn't he?????

    So he apologized profusely right away. Later, after the kids went to sleep, I told him that I am just so happy with our life and ,for everything he's ever wanted to do, I've supported him and been happy for him, even if it wasn't something I was overly excited about. We had a little review of some of the things I've given in on. He still feels really bad, which he should.

    Ok.... I'm feeling better now. UGH Why can't I just roll around in the hay a few times and get knocked up for free?
  • hopetobemomofthree hopetobemomofthree's Avatar 11-23-08 | 10:23 PM

    my friend, you have every right to be angry
    . I am glad to hear that you guys made up. So go and have a nice relaxful
    and maybe get in the mood for some bd!
Thank you hopetobemomofthree!
3Princes (11-23-08)
  • Valleygirl Valleygirl's Avatar 11-23-08 | 10:23 PM
  • I am glad he realized that his remark was out of line. If he is willing to get on board for a new baby than he better damn well keep his mouth shut about all the stuff that goes along with it. You can't have it both ways. Either say "no I refuse to have another baby." or smile and move on with a positive attitude.

    to you!
Thank you Valleygirl!
3Princes (11-23-08)
  • mac71 mac71's Avatar 11-24-08 | 05:14 AM

    men are totally wired differently than us
    I'm glad he realised what he said and apologised but I would be like you and feel resentful about stuff he had purchased without any smart comments from you. Maybe its just the stress of treatments that gets to him and I'm sure when you do get your
    he will be overjoyed and be completley on board.

    My DH is the opposite he wants an army but not willing to put in 100% of caring for them i.e getting up during the night or early mornings but that is another story......
  • Mark'sbabygirl Mark'sbabygirl's Avatar 11-24-08 | 12:18 PM
  • Jeanne- I know it's really none of my business, but since you posted I am assuming you want our opinions. I think your husband REALLY doesn't want another baby, but he won't just come out and say it because he loves you and wants you to be happy. What leads me to think this is that he is saying one thing and then acting another. He tells you he will do it for you, but then makes comments. The reason he is making the comments is that deep down he really doesn't want another baby, but he doesn't want to hurt his wonderful wife. Giving and taking in normal everyday stuff is one thing, but a BABY is a huge decision. We try to go by the philosophy that with BIG decisions- if one person says no, it's no. I know how much you want to have another baby, but what I here is your husband being resentful. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but in my opinion it is obvious that DH doesn't want to go through all this again and just wants to be a happy family. If you want a happy husband, I would think twice about trying to have another. Just wanted to be honest with you.

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