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Old 06-30-06, 10:29 AM
N8S MOM's Avatar
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Talking Hi Susanne

After our 2nd failed adoption, my husband and I decided that we had had enough and were going to live childless. We had a few friends who were doing it (by choice, not because they couldn't have children) and they would do all sorts of fun stuff and had great plans for their future.

We planned to move to Hawaii. It was something we always dreamed of doing. You definitely can't do it if you have a small child since both people have to work so that you can afford to live there. I had applied for a job with Hawaiian Airlines and Tom had spoken with a pharmacy there and could pretty much get a job as soon as we moved there.

We had a trip planned last September and while there, we were going to look at houses. Well, as you know, Nate arrived out of the blue on September 2 and shot those plans to heck. And I couldn't be happier about it. Of course I'm a little heart broken that we won't be living out our dream in paradise, but I think Nate is a much better dream come true.

I often wonder what it would have been like living in Hawaii childless. Would I be happy forever? Would I be happy for a little while, but always have a feeling of regret for giving up? I just don't know. But I know one thing for sure, I certainly am happy being a mom to my precious, little guy.
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Old 06-30-06, 02:12 PM
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Hi Suzanne,

I like many others joined a while back and I still lurk to see how eveyone is doing. I've been following your story and am so sad that this time did not work for you and Bryan. I did not go through the length of time that you have, yet I remember the amount of thinking, picking donors, worrying that things would not work out. I was nearly 42 when I had Cade and all I could do was worry that I was too old. Was I being selfish being a single mother, would I be depriving him.... and on and on. I nearly drove myself mad. Cade is 3 now and I am so thankful I did what I had to do. Only you can know for yourself what you need to do for you and Bryan. I wish you both tons of luck and the trust in yourselves to make it work for you.
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