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Old 03-22-05, 09:17 PM
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Unhappy a very personal question...help me!

I am about to O any day now so we decieded to bd last night, tonight until the day I O...however, my dh is EXTREMELY STRESSED these days(work-related) and he couldn't stay up(??) or ejaculate last night..
He seemed upset/embarrassed although i'm ok with it...
THis has never happened so i'm really worried..
 

I don't know if i should ask him to bd again tonight or not...i want to because i was really looking forward to getting pg this month so i started eating healthy..even cut down on my coffee and started taking prenatal vitamins..but i don't know how to approach dh about it because i think he's afraid it might happen again..
so afterwards he was saying to me that he's under a lot of stress these days and he's not ready to have another baby yet...i'm so disappointed i just don't know what to do.
What should i do, ladies?
I'm about to cry..
 
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Old 03-22-05, 09:22 PM
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That's a tough position to be in. My guess is after last night, he may be pretty embarrassed and he could be just saying that. OR, maybe he's really not ready. It's definitely something that yous hould discuss further. If he says he's not ready this time, there is certainly nothing wrong with taking care of yourself! It can only help you in the furture. Maybe if you skip this month and take some pressure off he'll come around. My dh is ten years older than me and I'm 30, so at 40 there were moments that he wasn't ready since he already has two other, 16 and 14. But, when he made up his mind he wanted it too, it was worth it. Good luck to you!!
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Old 03-23-05, 12:02 PM
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We've been TTC for ages, and even though DH wants a child as much as I do, last summer he was very stressed out with his work situation and had exactly the same problem - the spirit was willing but the flesh was, well, floppy.

My advice would be not to ask him again or to put any pressure on him, but to make sure you take some time right now to put sex back into the arena of fun and intimacy, and put TTC on the back burner for a month or so (esp. since he says he's not ready for a child!) As someone who's been TTC for a while, I know that it can be really hard on your marriage and on your sexual relationship when every time you have sex, you're thinking about whether you've got the timing right and what the result will be in 2 weeks. If you're stressed out about TTC, and there is someone you can talk to to vent your frustrations, do that first, then talk to DH when you can be calm and open to his concerns.

I found for a while that I went really off sex in general because I was connecting it in my mind with a sense of failure because of TTC. It didn't matter how much we enjoyed the sex itself, I was always thinking about TTC, timing, and BFNs. I totally want to encourage you not to fall into that trap!
 
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Old 03-23-05, 04:09 PM
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I agree with Cat. Both parents(partners) should want to have a child. I try to not make a big deal about when I am about to O so that DH doesn't feel used. It's hard on them b/c they know that we are only focusing on getting pg and not taking the time to enjoy the experience with them. I hope that it is just a phase with your DH. I would talk about it with him and make sure that it's only work that has hindered his ability in bed. Why not plan a romantic night out for the two of you where he can relax and get in the mood?
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