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and what would be the silver lining?

and what would be the silver lining?

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  • nisey79 nisey79's Avatar 01-03-07 | 08:11 PM
  • I don't even know where to start. I am so upset, frustrated, depressed, mad and whatever other adjectives there are that I cannot even think of right now. And to make things worse is DH and I are supposed to meet some friends of ours who is PG in 20 minutes and I have been wiping tears out of my eyes so I know they are now red and puffy, Just great....

    Guess I should explain what happened at our follow up appointment today. I was pumped. Well more wound up really. Thought things would be just peachy. Todays appointment was more information overload. I should have know it was not going to good when this morning when DH says its freezing rain outside we may not be able to go into Edmonton. Well I said I'm not waiting another two months to get into the clinic. So we made it into Edmonton because by the time we left it was just raining and not freezing, Our appointment was at 11 AM. What time did we get in to see the doctor? 12:15. By then neither of us was impressed and I was beginning to get hungry. So we finally get in to see her and the nurse goes over our charts and then we wait another 15 minutes or so for the doctor. So she finally comes in and asks how we were. She said that I'm definately not ovulating which is what I had figured out some time ago plus she said this in November at the intial visit. She said all my insulin and blood sugar levels are good. Then she says that my progesterone levels are elevated and that could be the reason why I'm not ovulating. She also said that my testerone levels are a bit elevated too. Which I learned at the November appointment. So she says it looks like that I probably have partial 21 hydroxylase deficiency. Which she really didn't explain a whole lot what it is but it has something to do with adrenal glands and producing too many androgens. She suggested that I may have to go on some form of cortisol steroid but if I do that I would have to be on it for the rest of my life and apparently this drug is not baby friendly either so then what do you do if and when I ever get pregnant. ( Is anyone still reading? Sorry this is so long) So she said to think about it and let her know. Apparently this drug may help to get me ovulating. So I asked her about the PCOS diagnosis, the clomid and the IUI, where are we with that because by this time I was a bit confused. So she said the clomid may get me ovulating we have to see what my body decides to do this month ( I just hope I ovulate).She said all this partial hydroxylase stuff also goes along with the PCOS, or something like that. And she said we would do the IUI. So then we get the results of DH's sperm analysis. He has a good count and good mobility (motility?) BUT the number of normal head sperm or something like that is 4%. For it to be considered good, it has to be 5-14%. So now I am even more upset. Therefore we definately need to do the IUI to make it easier. *SIGH* DH is still very optimistic about everything and I feel like a freakin deflated balloon. I don't even want to meet those friends for supper. Pretend to be all happy. F*** that.
    Why? Why? WHY? Why is it people that can't take care of their kids reproduce like bunnies and while those of us who truly want them have to go through leaps and bounds and stress and drugs to get them, and even then there is no guarantee.
    I must admit I am strong believer in my Christian faith but right now even that feels so deflated. So long story short based on what I heard today and the pessimistic funk that I am in, our TTC journey just got longer. I was really hoping for an October or November baby. I don't think that is going to happen. Not unless a miracle happens. I'll just pray that a miracle does happen this month. *SIGH*. My eyes are tearing up again and we have to leave in about 10 minutes. Thanks for listening girls. Sorry this was so long and depressing. Just someone tell me what the silver lining would be in all of this.....
    I feel like such a more like a failed loser.....




  • rudolphia rudolphia's Avatar 01-03-07 | 08:28 PM

    I can understand why you're so upset, Denise. There have been many miracle babies on this board, both biological and adopted. You will be a mom. You were meant to be.
  • ~Kelli~ ~Kelli~'s Avatar 01-03-07 | 08:32 PM
  • no, no, no.... you aren't a failed loser.... you must keep your head up and stay strong right now!

    Is there another dr. option for you? sounds like that may have been part of the problem-- seems like from Nov to now they were all over the place-- and perhaps a more consistent plan is what you need? i'm new to this whole fertility issue now.... but geez- seems like that dr should have anticipated that you would be excited and looking forward to getting things moving? maybe you can find a dr you 'click with' a bit better if that is an option?

    sigh.... i feel for ya.... i go for my first appt 1/17- and i'm scared to death.... it's such a hard journey!
  • Susan Susan's Avatar 01-03-07 | 08:33 PM

    i am so sorry you didn't hear what you wanted today. I am so hesitant to so see a specialist b/c i don't want to hear bad news

    I hope the Dr's can help you quickly
  • KJCsabre KJCsabre's Avatar 01-03-07 | 10:45 PM






    I am so sorry honey! I sure hope you can get back to ovulating soon! I know nothing will really make you happy right now... so just stay strong and know we are all here to listen!