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You are here: Home > Fertility & Trying to Conceive > Conception - Baby Making vs Love Making

Baby Making vs Love Making

by Lori Ramsey
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If you were to ask a woman who just began the journey of trying to conceive if there are any differences between "baby making" and "love making", she'd say no. But for the veteran couples in the conception game the answer would be an emphatic "YES!". Baby making and love making certainly do take on very different roles, for the couple, for the act, and for the duration. Baby Making 101

As a woman who wants to get pregnant, you are at the mercy of your cycle. What once was a spontaneous and fun activity now becomes a regimented routine. Baby making comes in three phases during a cycle month. First section is the pre-ovulatory time. Baby making may or may not take place, but usually you are too happy to practice, just in case that egg makes an early appearance. You frantically check your temperatures and bodily fluids each morning, looking for that tale-tell sign that ovulation is about to happen. The closer to that grand day you get the happier and excited you become and the more willing you are to participate in the act of baby making.

Second phase arrives - ovulation. You set appointments with your willing husband to procreate. Lovemaking is the furthest thing from your mind at this point. You must have sex to make a baby now, time for love and play later. Positions and time on your back may make your husband grimace. While I was in the throes of trying to conceive, I would hear comments like "Ugh, again tonight.", "Why can't we try a different position this time?", "I'm honestly too tired.", "I just can't right now." Those comments would bring on a stressed response from me and would cause a great deal of strain on our once vibrant love life. These comments came from the same man who would balk at the thought of going "without" for one day during our first year of marriage. So the second phase, ovulation, became a source of great stress for us. Forced baby-making is not nearly as much fun as spontaneous lovemaking.

Then the third phase of the month hits - post ovulation. This is a time that really stresses a woman, especially if she is charting her fertility symptoms. I always felt my moods were at the mercy of my basal body thermometer. If I woke up and my temperature dropped, I'd be in such a bad mood that entire day. It got to where my husband would come home and say, "I wish you'd quit taking your temperature".

The two-week wait is the toughest part of any cycle for a couple trying to conceive. This is the time when you wait to find out if the baby making marathon actually produced a baby. I also like to call this time the obsession ride. If at the end of the two weeks you receive a positive pregnancy test, the elation you feel is worth the ride. If the wait ends in a flood of red blood, you feel you've hit the bottom and devastation creeps in. But only for a little while, because soon you are looking at a new cycle and another new chance at conception. Love Making 101

Ah, remember the carefree days of spontaneous love making? When you didn't care what position you were in or whether or not you lay on your back with your hips elevated for twenty minutes afterwards? Remember the sheer abandon of a noon quickie or the tantalizing effects of a midnight romp just because? What happened to those days, when love making was fun, spontaneous and downright enjoyable? You can have those days back! Stress-free and carefree times with your spouse are an integral part of a good marriage and this includes allowing time for love making.

If you are trying to conceive, try to weave in some fun, allowing nature to take over, and abandon the regimented acts of baby making in place of love making. This will help your husband to respect you more and will bring a genuine smile to his face and to yours too! You may be pleasantly surprised at the end of a cycle where you replace "baby making" with genuine "love making". For me it has resulted four times in a positive pregnancy test!


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