Violence, Psychological Abuse and the Woman as Victim
Violence, Psychological Abuse and the Woman as Victim
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Violence is any act that causes injury or harm that is done to intimidate, threaten and demean a person. In the context of abuse, it is wise to remember that it can happen in various forms and can happen anywhere – including the home, which is purportedly safe and secure. The aggressor is usually a male of superior rank to the woman and is known to her. While the last is usually the case in developing countries, abuse has also been recorded in western societies, where women generally enjoy a higher standing than their counterparts elsewhere. Violence is not limited to physical abuse. As mentioned earlier, it can take on many forms, some so subtle it is oftentimes impossible to document them for legal purposes. One of the most potent forms is psychological abuse, which is the gradual attack against the mind of another by a perpetrator who is in constant contact with the victim. Contrary to the popular belief that psychological abuse merely engenders psychic stress, many studies show that a victim’s physical well-being is actually impaired by it.
Psychological abuse is a multi-faceted phenomenon. It could be verbal, emotional, and economic. Even physical and sexual abuse have psychological components. Most victims experience abuse repeatedly. One startling finding is that quite a lot of victims either do not know that they are being abused or refuse to acknowledge that the abuse is going on. Most of them live in a state of denial and may themselves become irritable and hostile, depressed and withdrawn.
An emotionally abusive partner often plays games with the victim's mind. He tells her things that will make her feel bad about herself, striking her where she is most vulnerable: criticizing her as an inadequate wife or mother or making sure she feels bad about being either. He may tell her how to dress, how to wear her hair, how to clean their house and may decide whether she can go to the store. Often the abuser monopolizes his partner by isolating her from friends and family, making their unhealthy relationship the center of her universe.
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How can one tell that abuse is going on?
The following questionnaire is a list of points presented by various experts as evidence of abuse. Ask a respondent the following and if she admits that any item is a chronic part of the relationship, then abuse is almost certainly taking place.
Has your partner ever:
called you names, made you feel badly about yourself or humiliated you?ignored your feelings or withheld approval, appreciation or affection to punish you? insulted your most valued beliefs, religion, heritage or class?tried to control what you do, with whom you spend time and where you go? taken control of the family's finances or prevented you from working? threatened to hurt you or your children, or threatened to leave you?smashed things, destroyed property, given you looks or made gestures that make you feel afraid or intimidated? punished your children when he was angry with you? abused pets to hurt you? manipulated you with lies and contradictions to make you doubt your grasp of reality? Has your partner ever said "you're crazy" or tried to make you feel that you are crazy?
It may come as a surprise that withholding affection, approval or companionship is also a form of psychological abuse. However, it must be understood that any bad act used to control another being is also a form of abuse. There is a very thin line between abuse and a simple disagreement between partners. What is important to establish is that the occurrence is not a repetitive, persistent attempt at humiliating the other party, which will render a simple disagreement part of a more sinister whole.
The victims of abuse are usually emotionally drained. In an attempt to get a grip on their lives, they often revert to less mature coping mechanisms. The most common is denial that the abuse is taking place. Another is accepting blame for it. Still others manifest their psychological turmoil in body symptoms. Unfortunately, some actually suffer diseases and tracing the root of such conditions to the abuse itself can be a very daunting task.
Many victims of abuse are usually so sensitive about their condition that they will clam up when confronted with it. This is why they should be approached gently. They should be slowly made to realize that they are beings of value. However, this process should not be imposed. Self-confidence and the ability to make decisions for the self are the basic targets of abuse and helping victims necessitates giving them back the power to decide for themselves and to be confident enough to fight. The road to recovery is very difficult but it is not impassable. Most abused women will choose to stay in the repressive relationship rather than leave for whatever reason, hoping that things will change in the end. They should be made to understand that they need help and hoping the abuse will end on its own without any action from them is pure fantasy.
Reprinted courtesy of http://www.doctorgeorgette.com
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