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You are here: Home > Baby > Baby Sleep - Q&A: Baby Won't Sleep Through the Night

Q&A: Baby Won't Sleep Through the Night

by Dr. Christine Wood, M.D
58 Comments

Q: My 12 month-old still won't sleep through the night, and she cannot go to sleep by herself. I rock her to sleep 3 times a day and it takes anywhere from 10 minutes to 1 1/2 hrs. to get her to sleep. Even if she is extremely tired, she fights sleeping. She only sleeps in her crib for 3-4 hours at night, and once she wakes up and realizes she is in her crib, she won't go back to sleep until she is in bed with me. She has always been very sensitive, and I cannot just put her in her crib and let her cry herself to sleep, because she will not ever go to sleep, she will cry until she makes herself sick. Please help. My husband and I would like our bed back. She sleeps so much better in her crib, when she is in our bed, she just rolls back and forth between us all night, and is very restless, but its the only way she will sleep all night. HELP.

A: At this point, your baby has developed a sleep crutch. That is, baby is falling asleep with you and being rocked to sleep. Every time she enters a light sleep cycle, she cries and searches for you, and now has difficulty settling without your presence. There are not a lot of options if you want to correct this problem. You should have a nighttime routine and put her in her crib awake at night and let her cry. You can go in every five to ten minutes the first night for brief periods to reassure her that you have not deserted her. The next night you should stretch out the time before you go back in. Now some babies get more hysterical every time they see you and it may be easier if dad goes in, if he is not the one who usually rocks her to sleep.

You and your husband need to make an agreement that you will be diligent about trying this for at least one week, without picking her up or bringing her to your bed. Every time you do, she sees that sometimes she gets her way and that encourages her to be more persistent in her crying.

Dr. Christine Wood is a practicing pediatrician in Southern California. She attended the University of Detroit for her undergraduate degree in chemistry and received her medical degree from the University of Michigan. She completed her pediatric residency at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. She was Chief Resident there and then worked in the emergency room at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. After three years doing pediatric emergency room medicine she went into private practice. She received her lactation educator certification from the University of California, San Diego.

She is the author of "How to Get Kids to Eat Great and Love It," a book that addresses the issues of why and how to feed kids healthy. The book also covers information about environmental threats and the role of nutritional supplementation for children. She lives in Southern California with her husband and son.

Christine is also the cofounder of CallYourPed.com a website designed to give concerned parents with non-emergency medical questions, solid, no-nonsense information that can give them information in deciding when to call the doctor and some home treatment advice.

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Comments


Showing 10 out of 58 Comments | Add Comment | See All Comments
vero
11/25/2011 11:02 am
Sarah from cleveland, i'm right there with you and i feel that the cio method isn't helpful for my daughter either. does anyone have any alternatives?
Jordan
10/13/2011 8:29 pm
I have a 13 month old with the same issue! i won't do cio so i don't know what to do. knowing others are out there going through the same thing helps. but i need sleep! praying we all figure this out.
Sharnee
07/10/2011 9:13 am
I have had a similar problem with my 9 month old. she has always, from birth resisted sleep and has always wanted to be held, hated the car seat and pram. i completely agree with louise from the uk. forcing babies into independance was introduced in the 50's at the same time as feeding only every 4 hours. some babies just arent able to go the whole night without comfort from their mums. although it makes it hard for mums, it is completely normal for some babies. the way we respond to this ultimatley comes down to our attitude towards parenting i feel. i am disheartened by the docotrs response. we as mums need to change the way we think and be supportive of each other. it is only pressure from other mums who say it is not normal for babies to wake during the night, that make us go against our natural mothers instinct and leave our sensitive babies to cry. it shocks me that even our doctors have these beliefs. what chance do our babies have when our doctors prescirbe such measures to us? i know lost of other mums. some ahve babies who sleep through the night from a young age, some have babies who continue to need comfort for many years. some have had babies who fall into both categories. it comes down to the baby not the parenting. all babies learn if we leave them to cry is that they have been abandoned in their time of need. i worry about the psychological impacts this has on our society. by listening and responding to your baby you are teaching them that they can rely on you for love and nurture. ultimately they are not going to keep waking until they are 18. it may only be a few years out of your whole life that you will have to have an interupted sleep. it is not long in the scheme of things. from what i ahve experienced and read, babies sleep patterns continue to evolve as they grow. i know this doesnt help you a great deal but at least it might help you to understand you are doing everything right by going to your baby. it is not your fault your baby is waking. they are a baby after all and just want their mum!
shehaam
05/27/2011 4:56 am
My 13 mnths son had pneumonia and in hospital for almost a week ever since we came home he has never slept thru the night his very restless wakes up every 3hrs to drink back to sleep then jus wakes up again it wil go until 6am then he wil settle down and sleep until 8 if im lucky
Jessica
05/09/2011 7:33 pm
Maybe you could introduce a comfort object. when i weaned my daughter off her night feeds i found giving her a comfort blanket helped extremly. as she only gets her comforter for bedtime as soon as i give it to her she automatically starts sucking her thumb and putting herself to sleep, has worked a charm. we never had to take her into our bed when she had her comforter.
Laurel
03/31/2011 1:14 pm
My daughter is 13 months old, she used to sleep from 7pm to 6am no problem in her bed. after coming home from a trip where she had to sleep with me (which we had never done before) she got sick and would not go back into her bed. that was over a month ago. i've tried the going in every 5min and this just leads to her being sick from crying so much. the minute i bring her to our bed she goes to sleep instantly. help!!!! really would like her to sleep in her crib again. not good for mommy and daddy or baby!
Louise
02/05/2011 3:23 pm
I'm sorry but reading this has made me very sad! your babies need you to be there for them at night as well as in the day. leaving a baby to cry themselves to sleep is cruel and is not good for the baby. of course they want to be with their parents. babies need their mummy and daddy! whoever invented the idea of leaving a baby to cry themselves to sleep has a lot to answer for in my opinion! i'm sure it was a man as no mother finds it ok to hear their babies distressed! stop reading books and do what feels natural! humans are the only mammals who sleep separately from their young! they are the only mammals who hurry their babies into independence before they are ready! i have a 14 month old son who sleeps with us and feeds a couple of times at night. when he is ready we will begin to reduce feeds and gradually move him to his own room in his own time and we, as his parents will be there for him at each stage! there are many ways to cut feeds/get babies to sleep without leaving them to cry. i wonder what the advice was before the "ferber" method was introduced and doctors decided that how people raise children was of their concern! it makes me sad to see a doctor say that to leave your baby to cry themselves to sleep is the only way! it most definitely is not! your babies are only babies for a short time! enjoy them and give them what need now! they will give it back when they can! i'll get off my high horse now and stop reading things which make me angry!
stacey
01/13/2011 11:22 pm
My 12month old doesnt go to bed while 2 oclock in the morning and doesnt get up till 12 in the afternoon but then hes napping for 2-3 hours at around 6pm please help it is getting frustrating i have tryed everything to try and get him into a routine the cry it out never worked he would just stop hisself from breathing untill i picked him up if i try to put him in his own bed as soon as i get him in he wakes up stright away me and my partner are falling apart my partner is now sleeping in the spare bedroom because i have to put my son in my bed or he wont sleep
Sandy
12/16/2010 3:40 pm
My 14 month old has never slept through a whole night. he was breast fed till he was 8 months then was bottle fed with breast milk up until 13 months. he now is on whole milk and eating a variety of foods. when he was born our doctor told us to breastfeed him him every 3 hours, so i did until he was 6 months old, then our doctor said to stilll feed him every 3 hours during day and feed at 7pm then 11pm, he would sleep till 5am, not bad. but now he wakes up every 30 min or every hour during night and during his naps. we have him on a routine for feedings, naps sleeping but nothing works.
Sarah
12/13/2010 1:41 pm
At least it is good to know that there are other people who are experiencing the same issues we are! i have always felt so alone because all of my friends have babies who have slept through the night since 3 months old! my son is 13 months old has never really been a good sleeper, but the last month has been horrible! he is awake and screaming for almost 3 hours a night and nothing we do has helped at all! we have tried cio routine which never worked and always leads to vomit in the bed. we have tried bottles, rocking, and letting him sleep with us! i am 5 months pregnant again-soooooooo tired and can barley even function through a day! my husband works 12 hour days and is sooo tired he is almost always late for work. our marriage, relationships with friends and family, moods, phsycial well-being and almost every aspect of our lives have suffered tremendously! i am also a phd student and find it almost comical when i have a 100 page paper due! i am going to have to give that up as well! is it selfish as a mother to resent having to give up every part of your life? my social life, my marriage, my sanity, my sleep, working and now school? sleepless in cleveland- sarah

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