Reclaiming your Sex Life After BabyKatlyn Joy |17, October 2011
Not everyone experiences the surge of pregnancy hormones the same way. Some women have a spike in sex drive during their pregnancy particularly in the last two trimesters while others find theirs has plummeted.
Despite our best efforts and intentions, after baby arrives the urge to make love may be weak at best, or nonexistent at worst. Actually at worst, the idea of making love may be laughable or repugnant for awhile.
Your partner, while on an emotional roller coaster, has not gone through the hormonal whiplash you have and may not quite understand how difficult it is for you to transition to being both mommy and lover.
Remember this is not a permanent state. You have been through an intense physical challenge in giving birth and your body and chemical levels must adjust. Give it time and give yourself the permission you need to rest and care for yourself as well as the baby.
How Dad Can Help Mom Find Her Sexy
Do not pressure her. Don't circle on the calendar the exact day the doctor said it was OK to resume relations. Don't pout when she doesn't succumb to your romantic advances.
Realize that your partner is exhausted and will welcome any attempts at housework, taking care of household duties or cooking and shopping. While normally she may balk at your tasteless meatloaf or your shoddy stain-busting abilities on laundry, now she will practically throw you a parade for just jumping in there and lending a hand.
Show your love with affection that leads to nothing more than affection. No strings affection may actually have the effect of lighting a fire.
Let her know you still find her sexy and beautiful. Especially when those hormones drop off, new moms may feel sad, fat and frumpy.
Make sure she has comfortable clothes that fit but are flattering. No, she may not wear them a long time before reclaiming her shape, or redefining herself with a new one, but in the meantime she'll feel more confident. And confidence breeds sexy.
Offer to let her take a leisurely shower, nap or walk while you care for the baby. Having a bit of time to herself will give her a chance to feel more like herself.
Expect it to take some time. You won't reclaim your passion as a couple in a special weekend. You need time to get back into the swing of things. And new bumps are in the romantic road like getting interrupted by Junior's crying, having your partner leak milk during intimate moments or actually falling asleep during foreplay. Understanding and patience will go far in reigniting the erotic side of your relationship.
Take time for each other to talk about everything, not just parenting, and schedule date nights. In the beginning they may not be full-fledged evenings out, but as time goes on you will get back to some couple independence once more. Until then a couple hours away from the baby while Grandma babysits will allow you to slip out for an ice cream cone, or maybe a movie. Connecting in small ways adds up.
How to Make Daddy not Feel Forgotten
When you were pregnant, you were the big attention magnet. Then it was baby. It was never daddy. Let him know how much he means to you but telling him just that regularly.
Don't get so wrapped up in mommyhood that you forget how that little bun ever got in the oven in the first place. Dads have to be patient and wait their turns, but make sure he does indeed get a turn at some point.
Show him affection even if you don't feel up to making love. Kisses, holding hands, a quick shoulder squeeze and a nice big hug are all simple ways to keep that closeness.
Let Dad know how much you need him and love him. Don't criticize his every effort to help out. He's not going to do everything the exact way you do. That's OK. Just be glad he's trying to help out and make sure he wants to continue to do so by not ridiculing his attempts at new domestic duties.
Allot time for you two as a couple. Cherish that time and schedule it in pen on the family calendar. Making your time together a priority speaks loudly to your partner that he is a priority still.
Give yourselves time to get back into sharing intimacy. Not every intimate act is intercourse. Find ways to be physically and emotionally close. Meet each others' main needs in ways that work for you both and never forget compromise on both sides.
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