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12 Ways to Add Spice to Your Relationship After Baby

by Katlyn Joy | November 7, 2012 2:43 PM
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Isn't it ironic that the very activity that resulted in baby becomes rare once baby arrives? But you don't have to resign to a monastic lifestyle just because you're parents now. Before baby, you were a couple and it's time to find ways to reconnect and enjoy coupledom even now in the midst of midnight feedings and explosive poo.

Every couple has to find its own rhythm and pathway to intimacy and romance. Just because you're a mother doesn't mean you have to turn in your sexy lingerie and R & B bedroom soundtrack. Here are some ways to find the spice and keep the heat between you.

1. Take time for yourself.
Give yourself a moment to put on some eyeliner and blush and perhaps a spritz of perfume. Steal a minute during naps and get in a mini-pedi. Those little investments pay off in feeling attractive and more ready for amorous activity.

2. Exercise a bit each day.
By working out you'll drop those baby pounds and raise your good feeling endorphins which make other physical encounters more likely. Just be sure to not overdo it. You'll unlikely to want to fool around if your muscles are screaming for mercy.

3. Rediscover flirting.
Send a racy text during hours you are apart to get the home fires kindled. Leave a sexy note in your spouse's pocket or leave out some favorite naughty item to let your partner know you are thinking of them in such ways. Anticipation can be a great aphrodisiac.

4. Set a mood with scent, lighting and sound.
Light some candles or dim the lights especially if you are feeling a bit uncomfortable with your post-baby body. Candlelight is kind to all figures. If they are scented candles all the better for a romantic mood. Put on some tunes that say you are feeling frisky.

5. Put it on the calendar.
OK, so this sounds distinctly unsexy but it isn't. Telling someone that time together is a priority is a gesture that can make a heart beat quicker. Get a red-hot marker and circle the date with a bright crimson heart. Get a sitter even if it's Grandma for an hour.

6. Buy some lingerie and sexy heels.
It's easy to say no to a hot interlude if you are dressed in a rice cereal-caked terry robe and your hair smells of spit up. If you are still getting used to your more...voluptuous figure lingerie can be a fun way to accept your new curves. But slip on some satiny number and sleek heels and you'll feel much hotter...and ready to go. And so will he!

7. Laugh and share smiles about little things.
Companionship is often a casualty after childbirth and that can only cut down the passion between you. To build both aspects of your relationship, find moments to chat and laugh whether sharing silly anecdotes about your day, or watching a favorite comedy together.

8. Get sweet and gooey.
Share sweetness, whether it's an occasional decadent double chocolate brownie, a sappy love you card, or a smooch in the produce aisle. Building on your affection will heat up the spicy side of your relationship.

9. Change it up!
If you are trying family bed method or sleep share with baby, enjoy the upsides of the creativity needed for such arrangements. In other words, grab a quickie in the kitchen, on the bathroom counter or on the loveseat. You may find it a fun game to take turns deciding where the next destination for loving will be.

10. Pick up a steamy novel
Purchase a steamy novel, and read the good parts out loud to each other. If you feel like you've forgotten how, study up together by reading erotica together.

11. Play some sexy games.
This can be as sweet or as spicy as you'd like. You can pick some board games up at your local adult shop or go online if it's more comfortable or accessible for you. This can help fight the routine ruts that we can fall into when time and energy are low.

12. Be patient.
Don't panic if things are slow to recover in the bedroom. You need to adjust to a new lifestyle, new responsibilities, and honestly a new body. It can be a process, but remember it was your love that brought you to this stage in your life so let it guide you to the next stage.


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littlekingdom Aug 8, 2013 04:03:59 AM ET

Your post made a good read kathlyn. the birth of a child brings with it several extra responsibilities and commitments, leaving the couple no time for themselves, sometimes. these are great tips to keep the romance alive in the relationship.

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