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How to Deal With the News That You or Your Husband is Infertile

Alison Wood |19, July 2013


The life-shattering news that you or your husband is infertile is definitely a major and unexpected difficulty in your life. It's hard to fathom that your American Dream lifestyle you have dreamed of for years is now, according to the doctors, unreachable. How can you cope with this sobering fact?

Face the truth.
Though some friends or family will just brush off this news as less than important, you need to realize that this is a major crisis. This is not a "get over it" problem. This is a situation that will affect the rest of your life.

"You can always adopt!" may come out of some well-meaning mouths, but you know the truth.
Yes, you could adopt, but you do desperately wanted a baby that was created by you and your spouse. You wanted a little one with his big brown eyes and your curly blonde hair. You wanted your side of the family's athletic ability to pass on to your offspring. Now, your dreams have come to an abrupt halt, and you feel utterly helpless.

Let yourself grieve.
With any trial, loss or crisis there needs to be a period of grieving — time where you just let it go. Don't feel like you have to hold all these built up emotions inside forever. You have every right to grieve the loss of your amiable dream.

Resist playing the game.
People typically blame themselves or someone else when they begin the grieving process. Avoid this hurtful act at all costs. No one knows exactly why you or your spouse is infertile and endeavoring to place the blame of this tragedy on yourself or someone else will only heighten emotions and cause relationship problems.

Don't push loved ones away.
You catch your mom looking at you with care and concern. She has never experienced infertility, yet desires to take away all your pain and hurt. Don't push her or anyone else away just because they don't understand. People may even say some things that make you angry, but don't reject their love and care. You need friends and family to help you pull through this -- even if they have never experienced infertility themselves.

Avoid activities focused on babies and children.
For the sake of your emotional healing, it is best to opt out on the next few kiddie parties you are invited to. Seeing little ones running around laughing may only bring fresh pain back into your heart. Baby showers? Those are the worst! Just send a cute gift and nice card to wish the couple well on their baby. It's hard to sit through all the baby talk and labor stories.

Do your research.
If you and your spouse still want to try different avenues of conceiving, take time to do book and internet research on the subject of options for infertile adults. Medical science is rapidly improving and changing in the fertility realm. It's to your advantage to know the most up-to-date options.

Seek support.
Though you feel alone right now, there are thousands of people that have fought the battle of infertility. Scope out some support forums online as well as websites dedicated to helping women and men work through infertility problems. Someone's success story may work for you!

Stay active.
After taking time to grieve, revamp your life so it is an active one. Get involved with hobbies such as crocheting, blogging, cooking or learning a musical instrument. These activities will help you redirect your energy and focus to help you through the days ahead.

The reality of the fertility mater is that the majority of infertile couples remain infertile. However, some go on and conceive in spite of the dooming information the doctor gave them. No one ever really knows if a couple will be able to conceive or not in the next few years. There are many amazing and intriguing stories across the web where couples were able to conceive after being given no hope. Whether this becomes your story or not, the above tips can help you more effectively deal with this traumatic period in your life. From all the writers at The Baby Corner, we wish you the best on your journey of infertility — whether you choose to stop trying or decide to continue trying to conceive. We are there for you!

Alison Wood is a stay-at-home mom of six and freelance writer and blogger. She enjoys raising her six children and desires to share her experiences to help other mothers.

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