14 Gross Pregnancy SecretsKatlyn Joy | 8, December 2014
Nothing is more beautiful than a woman carrying a child, she glows and has a mother earth aura about her. Well, whatever you say. I did not feel one bit that way. The truth is pregnancy is a job, a tough one, and you feel anything but lovely most the time.
Here are the main reasons for feeling less than beautiful while expecting:
1. Whose breasts are these?
For the smaller endowed among us, it may seem like a boon initially. But, then they feel like they have nerve endings all over them which make you want to punch anyone who makes indirect or direct contact. Watch out, hubbies! Then they develop franken-nipples. They are dark and appear ready to take over the entire breast. Next, you get this really vivid blue and enlarged network of veins that light up your chest like a neon roadmap.
2. Patchy face.
Hyperpigmentation often occurs in pregnancy, in fact, you can get something called the mask of pregnancy. This is hormone induced and will give you patches of darker skin. So now you definitely want to slop on some foundation before leaving the house.
3. Panty liner stock up.
You'll need an amazing supply of these suckers, because the mucus/runny/yellow/while paste that they call a normal pregnancy discharge will overtake your panties and pants, otherwise. And you know, nothing makes you feel more attractive than a crotch full of glue.
4. Big foot.
No one tells you that your feet often grow during pregnancy, as much as a size or two. And guess what? They may remain enlarged until you die. They don't return to normal like a fantasy waistline.
5. Belching like a football team after a beer chugging challenge.
Sounds like an exaggeration, doesn't it? I've frightened small children who are on an entirely different floor of my home while pregnant burping. It seems to come from somewhere deep in a bottomless cavern, the echoes are incredible.
6. Swamp gas.
Related to number 5, your bottom expulsion of gas will carry some awful stink. You will find yourself apologizing and trying to pretend your big husband just made that horrid trumpet of gas.
You may find yourself suffering from such skin that you will think your body has projected your face back to high school. Unlike the big feet, your skin will recover post pregnancy.
Never been a snorer? Well, unfortunately another amazing offshoot of pregnancy hormones is congestion, which can result in sleepless nights for your husband. You will likely snore more when on your back, but many talented pregnant women can snore no matter what position they fall asleep in.
9. Piddle preggo.
By the end of pregnancy, you'll find you will leak regularly. Good thing you already had on that panty liner, huh? You will leak when you sneeze, when you laugh, when you cough and when it's a day ending in "y."
10. Skin tags.
If you're like me, you said, "What's a skin tag?" I asked when I got one of the ugly buggers under my arm. They are little hanging balls of skin, often near breast, under the arms and related areas. You can get it snipped off, it you don't find it charming. You won't.
11. Metallic taste.
As if it wasn't hard enough to get over morning sickness, here's another nausea booster. You will get this awful metal taste in your mouth that prescription strength gum can't erase.
As if you didn't feel lovely enough, how about some flop sweat? Unfortunately, your hormones will wreak havoc on your thermostat and will leave you flushed red and slippery sweaty at the most inconvenient times.
As a teen, my nickname at home was "Grace." Never being the most graceful person, nothing could make you feel less graceful than being in the late second or third trimester. You are balancing a wide load on the same old base, well except your feet are probably bigger, so that's a help. You look awkward as a camel on skates doing the most mundane tasks, from getting out of a car to tying your shoes.
14. Alien belly.
Some people act like this is beautiful but I contend it's nothing short of creepy. At some point in pregnancy, your belly will be so full and taut, and baby so well-developed that you can see baby parts poking around under your skin. It's like an alien is about to pop forth!
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