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New...never thought I'd be here.

New...never thought I'd be here.

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  • sweetpea1106 07-17-08 | 03:08 PM
  • Hi everyone~

    Well....last night I had a natural miscarriage. While I am grieving the loss of our baby, I am thankful for how things happened because I was scheduled to have a D&C this morning - and I really wanted my body to do what it needed to on its own. My prayer was answered.

    I never thought I would be TTC after a loss, but from what I have seen and heard - miscarriages are not an uncommon thing...painful yes, but a rare event - sadly no.

    I would appreciate any advice, information, etc. you could give me as we try to move forward and get one with our lives. This was our first time TTC and we did get pregnant on the first try...unfortunately, we miscarried on the first try as well.

    Best wishes and luck to all of you...may we all have a happier outcome this time.

  • Dopey406 Dopey406's Avatar 07-17-08 | 03:16 PM
  • No one ever thinks she'll find herself in this club. I certainly never thought I'd be here either.

    But we're here together and we have the opportunity to support one another.

    One thing that helped me through my losses was to give our babies names. Giving our lost angels names has made them "real" in our family. I also had a box engraved with the name and conception date of our first loss on the top. Inside we have all of our pregnancy tests, chromosomal analyses, cards, etc. from our losses. I keep this on my nightstand. It's a way for me to keep our babies close to me.

    And lastly, it has helped me to be open to giving God thanks for which He may never give me the privilege of understanding. It's not my RIGHT to know why--it's a privilege and if He doesn't want to give me that answer, I'm willing to accept that and praise Him for the gift of life, no matter how short that life may have been.

    If I can help you at all, please PM me whenever you need to.
Thank you Dopey406!
holly302 (07-17-08)
  • sweetpea1106 07-17-08 | 03:22 PM
  • I really like your idea about giving our babies names and having an engraved box...but I have to be honest and say I do not think I am "there" yet. But I want to thank you, I do believe doing as you have will help me find the closure I know I will need.

  • tiaonia tiaonia's Avatar 07-17-08 | 06:59 PM

    wish i could think of something to say right now.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    and i am here if you need you can PM me
  • Oreo Oreo's Avatar 07-21-08 | 12:33 AM
  • HI JM,
    I am very sorry for your loss. I have had two and, you are right, you never expect it or are prepared for it.

    When it comes to coping, that is an incredibly personal and individual thing. Deanna/Dopey keeps her little ones close and that works for her. For me, I had to grieve and let go... Not that I don't remember, wish for them and wonder who they would have been... but...

    The only "advice" I can give you is to follow your heart -- grieve, cry, be angry and let it take however long it will take. When you feel healed, then go for it again. There is no set "right" time. I would also let you know that one thing I've learned around here is that the guys just don't get it quite as much -- it isn't their body, hormones, etc it is happening to. So, you may just need to know that for dealing with your DH/partner.

    As far as consolation -- the best thing I can tell you is that you are, in spite of your recent loss, so far better off than so many who can't get pregnant. You can work with your doctor to check your genetic code against your DH's and find out if there are conflicts, etc... so you can have a better chance for a successful pregnancy when you are ready to move on. I know it sounds bittersweet now, but soon it will make all the difference.

    I am really sorry you had to join the loss club, but at least here at TBC you will be surrounded by people who know and care.


    Let us know how you are doing.
Thank you Oreo!
Dopey406 (07-21-08)

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