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baby blues?

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  • 3Princes 01-22-10 | 12:53 PM
  • Ugh! I typed out a whole reply earlier and then my computer froze! (I was ready to cry! lol).

    I'm ok.
    I definitely have the baby blues, but I don't think it's PPD or anything like that. It's surprising because Brady is a really, really good baby, and both boys are in preschool tues-thurs. I think it's less feeling overwhelmed (which I do at times) and more just feeling like nobody cares.

    Dh didn't stay the night the first night like he did with the other 2, and instead of taking 2 weeks off, he took 4 days (and i have no idea why since he has more vacation than ever this year and hasn't used any). I know if I had insisted (although I did have a fit about both and it didn't help) he would have, but the implication that I should be able to handle it made me just go along with it.

    I have very little support as far as someone anticipating a need and helping me out. If I were to call person x and ask for something, they would do it. A friend brought dinner over the other night, which was SO NICE, and I was telling my mother this. You could practically *hear* the lightbulb go on in her head--- she said, "OH. Well you know, I guess I could bring you dinner sometime." And she meant it, but it's like-- seriously, you didn't think of that before? And dh's parents will take the kids for us but that's about it. The way dh's schedule is, I'm home with all 3 kids by myself at night and he's here when it's just Brady and I during the day.

    Basically I'm crying for silly things or for no apparent reason, like last night I cried when I realized that there was nothing good on tv. Then, you add to that the fact that this is our last baby and it's all over. It's making me feel old.

    So that's all. Thanks for sharing your stories ladies, and for thinking of me!
  • LAB LAB's Avatar 01-22-10 | 01:16 PM
  • I'd try to talk with your DH and tell him that you need some more support. If your DH is anything like mine, you have to spell it out for him! There will be no lightbulb moment of realization. I've gotten past the point of being able to cope before and he had no clue that anything was wrong.

    Ask your mom to come by and just visit in the evenings when you've got all 3 by yourself. Having an extra set of hands would be great and she may bring over dinner while she's coming or help you get it ready!

    It does take out some of the "romance" of having a new baby and having people take care of you, but ask for the support right now! I'm sure everyone would love to help if they knew how to help! I'm sure they are giving you space to adjust to 3 and you know what you're doing, but every baby is a transition! Your boys are still young and need attention that's going to the newborn and with your hormones crashing its just a bit much for even a supper mommy to handle!

    See if you can get some time to yourself if you feel like you need it. Ask your mom to drop by, get Brady to sleep and take a nice bath while your mom plays with the older boys. Having some time without anyone needing something from you could really lift your spirits!

    I hope you feel better soon and ask for the support you need! I didn't for my first 2 as I was expected to handle it. I learned a lot from the experience and learned to ask for help and support when I need it!

Thank you LAB!
3Princes (01-22-10)
  • Sheri Sheri's Avatar 01-22-10 | 01:29 PM
  • I can remember resenting dh ( a lot) for going off to work and leaving me home alone with all the kids! It's not like he any choice in the matter! LOL In my mind he had it easy- going off to work for 12 hrs a day and not having to do my job- totally stupid on my part but that's how I was thinking/feeling at the time.
    LOL And I would have episodes where I wouldn't speak to him for hours on end but the poor guy didn't have a clue that I was needing more help from him- that I was overwhelmed trying to do everything by myself. He clues in now and asks if I want to go out and have a break. I was too proud to ever ask anyone for help at the time.
    Yet I'd whine and complain (to myself) that everyone had time for everybody else's kids but mine. It was crazy Jeanne. I'm so glad that's over with!
    I'm here for you anytime you want to chat.
Thank you Sheri!
3Princes (01-22-10)
  • MrsS1stbaby MrsS1stbaby's Avatar 01-22-10 | 01:45 PM
  • Yes, I agree! I was expecting people to show up at my door after Dh went back to work with offers to watch dd so I could sleep or shower, or bring us casseroles. It didn't happen! And like Laura's Dh, I gotta spell it out for him! I remember one night dd was crying (touch colic, maybe? boredom? I still don't know!) I was exhausted & was crying myself while Dh was out in the garage with his buddies working on his bike or truck, something.....and that made me more upset! When he came in, he actualled asked "are you alright?" I finally said "No, I'm not." But I didn't follow it up with a request for a break & he went back out to hiding in the garage! Well, I can tell ya if we have another & I need his help, he will hear about it! Too much resentment went on for dd's 1st year that sometimes I re-considered having another child with "that man" (LOL), and of course I only griped to myself or a close friend & never told him what was going on. They say communication is the key, but it can be hard to remember when you think you are not being heard. Hang in there & speak up to anyone that will listen!
Thank you MrsS1stbaby!
3Princes (01-22-10)
  • 3Princes 01-22-10 | 04:47 PM
  • Oh, I totally agree. With men, you have to tell them everything. I stopped waiting for him to help a long time ago and pretty much tell him what I need, and actually, he's usually really good about it.

    I just think it's a combination of a lot of different things going on, including a school change for Matthew which means the big boys are together more than ever. They aren't in the same class at school, but where Josh and Matthew used to each have a turn with Daddy alone, now they're either both at home or both at school, plus the new baby, plus having me home, and me wanting to soak up every moment of his "babyness" etc.

    It's nice to know that I'm normal though, and that this will pass soon. Thanks again ladies

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