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Should I bother?

Should I bother?

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  • MrsS1stbaby MrsS1stbaby's Avatar 02-19-10 | 02:04 PM
  • I need your advice. It's a long and complicated situation, so I will try to break it down. Some of you may recall from the SR boards that back in Sept, some mutual friends of me & Dh and his brother & his brother's wife came to us regarding his brother's wife and the fact that she was cheating on him. It became a HUGE mess as the main friend that called this meeting told BIL wife ALL about it (b/c she felt guilty) & she became livid. It caused this dominio effect where no one was speaking to each other for awhile, she was booted out of another friends event, she threatened my Dh that we would never see our nephew again, and of course denying everything. She even got the in-laws involved by calling them to give them a heads up on why she wouldn't be coming to family functions! The friends that came to us that day are no longer speaking to her...or she is no longer speaking to them, however you want to look at it.

    Well, now it's been about 6 months and Dh & I continue to have a relationship with Dh's brother & his son, and we have been at some family events togethe, but her & I do not even say hello to each other & she completely ignores my child. She still continues with her "single life" antics and we are pretty sure BIL & her will get divorced. However, BIL has taken a job opportunity that will take him out of the state for almost a year. We were worried that while he is gone, we will never see our nephew, whom our dd adores & he adores her back. Dh is trying to set up something where he will pick up his nephew every other weekend to go to some sporting event.

    What I needed advice on is this: I am have been considering sending her an email and/or Facebook message telling her that we know things will be tough when her dh is out of town & we also want to continue to have a relationship with our nephew, so we are willing to be baby-sitters for him once in awhile, maybe he can stay the night over our house sometimes. But last time I tried to send an olive branch email, the response I got was childish and nasty. Other friends said I should go ahead and send it, but I am worried it will backfire or open a whole can of worms (issues) that I don't wish to get into with her. W

    What do ya'll think? I know that (sadly) many of us here have similiar familial issues and may have dealt with something like this before. I hope this wasn't too long, and thanks if you got this far!

    Last edited by MrsS1stbaby; 02-19-10 at 02:23 PM..
  • momofthreeboyz momofthreeboyz's Avatar 02-19-10 | 02:36 PM
  • You really have nothing to lose sending it, sounds like a tough situation good luck sure hope she takes you up on your offer. Kids should not be caught up in the cross fire.
Thank you momofthreeboyz!
MrsS1stbaby (02-19-10)
  • DanieH DanieH's Avatar 02-19-10 | 02:39 PM
  • Who has custody of your nephew? I think this should be mentioned to the BIL, but as for as your SIL goes, I wouldnt bother. If her last email was immature and nasty, I doubt it will be any different.
  • koala_kaper koala_kaper's Avatar 02-19-10 | 02:51 PM
  • I'd say send it, but then also send it to your BIL so that he knows what's going on. If she sends a nasty message back, you know where she stands and the ball is in her court as far as being nice about the situation.
Thank you koala_kaper!
MrsS1stbaby (02-19-10)
  • 3Princes 02-19-10 | 03:16 PM
  • I think from what she said, this couple is still married so they both have custody, right?

    I would send the msg, probably not mentioning that it will be "tough" (because it sounds like maybe you think she can't do it)but saying that your daughter and nephew are great friends and want to continue that relationship. I'd take a step back and really realize that you don't give a rat's a$$ what this girl thinks of you, as long as your dd gets to see her cousin. Even if you make arrangements with BIL, ultimately it's going to be SIL who has to allow them to happen. Even if I had to schmooze a little, I wouldn't care if I got what I wanted in the end. Then when he comes back you can stop speaking to her again. I guess I probably feel this way because my kids don't have a relationship with any of their first cousins and I'd do just about anything to make that happen.
Thank you 3Princes!
MrsS1stbaby (02-19-10)

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