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Hoping I can get thru Saturday...

Hoping I can get thru Saturday...

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  • MrsS1stbaby MrsS1stbaby's Avatar 06-22-10 | 04:09 PM
  • Saturday is the b-day party of my good friend's little boy. He is 12 days older then my dd, so me & this friend were pregnant together last time. I had never told her we were trying, nor that we had gotten pregnant, so she also does not know about my miscarriage.

    Yesterday, she emailed me and told me that she is pregnant, she thinks she is 6 weeks along. I am of course very happy for her & told her so, but also silently praying that she doesn't go through what I went through, especially now that she has told everyone. (she put it on Facebook) She also asked how we were doing and if we were trying; I just told her "not right now."

    I am pretty sure there will so much going on with kid's playing, gift opening, and such that it may never even be in a issue. I told Dh that I am just hoping we don't get a whole bunch of people asking us, "so, hey, when are you gonna give K a sibling?" or "you better get on it so you & her can be pregnant together again!" Any advice from you ladies?
  • amitrat amitrat's Avatar 06-22-10 | 05:47 PM
  • Wish I had some - many people don't ever realize what others might be going through. I have to say that I was guilty of that too until I had fertility issues. This board was my savior and comfort during that time because I could be open and honest and be with others that were in my shoes. Enjoy the party and don't worry about what "might" be said.
  • 3Princes 06-22-10 | 07:45 PM
  • Going through those situations, I say the best defense is a good offense!

    I would try EARLY in the convo, maybe even when you greet her and congratulate her in person something like "Oh CONGRATULATIONS! I'm SO happy for you, but SO NOT at that point right now!" and start laughing. It's the truth, and it should deflect any so when ya gonna have a baby questions. You could add "I'm totally content with spoilin' my baby girl right now." for good measure.

    I am 99% certain people will say things to you otherwise.

    This is why I'm split on the decision not to say anything to anyone up until 12 weeks, even after my miscarriage. I was and am very open about my fertility struggles, because I've helped a lot of people IRL though sharing my story, but even if that were not the case, I told my close family and close friends as soon as I became pregnant, and was happy I did. When I lost the baby, i was able to confide in them, and they knew not to say certain things because they knew the struggle that I was going through. I was emotional for a few months afterward, and thank God the people I had the closest contact with knew why and could understand a little better.

    Are you close with her? It's all about what makes you comfortable, but I would totally consider telling her once you're in a better place and she's further along. No matter how hard you try, it's likely it will be hard for her whole pregnancy, even if you get pregnant again before she has her baby.

    I wish you good luck.
Thank you 3Princes!
MrsS1stbaby (06-23-10)
  • Christine 07-04-10 | 10:28 AM
  • What you do not know won't hurt you, so it would be a plus point if you just let it pass by and think about not mentioning about it or even think about it because you know in yourself that it hurts you. Things would be easier if you would just ignore them and let them pass by as if nothing happened.